|Here are some of the memorable quotes used in the show|
- Ally: "Just try to stay calm all right."
Maddie: "Ally I'm calm you‘re the one that called the fire department"
- The Doctor on Maddie: "She‘s had some sort of panic attack or...."
Ally: "Or what?"
The Doctor: "Or she‘s pregnant. Did you hear me? Hello!"
- Ally: "You two are getting married?"
Liza: "You know what they say Ally, after forty you have a better chance of being struck by lightning."
- Ally: "Thanks everybody for coming, sorry about the short notice but it‘s important."
Nelle: "You‘re changing hair colors?"
Ally: "It’s not that important but I am resigning."
- Elaine: "You just announce that in a staff meeting?"
Ally: "Well what did you want me to call everyone into my office one by one?"
Elaine: "You could have called me in, you owe me that."
Ally: "Excuse me."
- Georgia: "He actually got married?"
Ally: "Yes he did, an hour ago and he‘s still married."
- Ally: "You have to do what you have to do... that‘s an Ally McBealism"
- Ally to Nelle: "You know Nelle you are the biggest fraud I‘ve ever met, you have a huge heart and you don‘t fool anybody... and I‘m going to miss you"
- Ally: "Don‘t be a stranger, okay."
Georgia: "Like we were this year?"
- Ally: "Richard I can‘t believe you got married before I did."
- Ally to Elaine: "You know how I feel about you."
- Ally: "Renee... Renee"
Renee: "It‘s like you said we‘ll be forced to make an effort now."
Ally: "That‘s right."
- Ally to John: "I think I‘ll miss you most of all scarecrow."
- Ally: "You know I love you all so much and... and the last five years... I love you all and... and... I‘ll call."
- Ally: "Looking backwards... many of the saddest times in my life turn out to be the happiest. So I must be happy now. Yeah, this is going to be good, why else would I be crying?"
- Maddie: "Do we care for sprinkles?"
Ally: "On no, just frosting would be fine."
Maddie: "And do we want the full 35 candles on top?"
Ally: "Um that‘s funny... funny."
- Helen on Maddie: "There‘s something so angelic about her."
Ally: "Um, don’t be fooled."
- John: "Ally you are nothing if not a soul. What are you thinking?"
Ally: "I’m just replaying all the things ever said to me. The best ones always come from you."
- Ally: "I’m sorry what did you say?"
Ally: "What you think I spend a lot of time on my hair. What more than say you spend on yours?"
Victor: "Me? I don‘t even comb my hair."
Ally: "Oh, who do you think you‘re kidding Victor? Every single strand probably has it‘s own stylist."
Victor: "Now you have a problem with my hair."
Ally: "No I love your hair, it just goes to show if you put the time in it pays off."
- Ally: "Liza this is a staff meeting, not a forum to discuss our personal lives or problems."
Wilson: "Actually we’re only discussing yours."
- Victor: "I happen to think that cellulite gives an ass character."
Ally: "My ass has plenty of character, what it doesn‘t have is this."
- Elaine: "Maddie called, she said she‘d she you when you get home."
Ally: "Anything else?"
Elaine: "3 messages from Victor saying he loves your ass"
Liza: "So do I."
Elaine: "Are we sure she‘s hetro?"
Ally: "I don‘t know but she‘s cute."
Elaine: "Yes, she is."
- Victor: "Ally I‘ve seen you‘re butt, it‘s a world class butt okay."
Ally: "Yes it is."
- Sheila: "You client has a problem counsel. Ask him about his little fetish."
Ally: "Victor! What fetish?"
Sheila: "Let‘s just say your client is a butt man."
Victor: "This isn‘t relevant."
Ally: "I‘m the one asking the questions here. A butt man?"
Sheila: "He paints them, he studies them and during sex he likes to nibble them."
- Ally: "When you do start dating and you‘re spending time with your boyfriend you should try to minimize the obsessing about the old boyfriend."
Maddie: "I‘ll try to remember that."
- Ally: "My mess is my life and I choose to live it that way."
- Ally: "Liza will be working out of John‘s office."
Nelle: "Why does she get his office?"
Ally: "John loaned it to her."
Nelle: "Uhhh, john loaned it to her. What else did John extend to her?"
Ally: "I don‘t think that‘s appropriate Nelle."
Nelle: "Did he give her his hole as well?"
- Ally: "Has he (John) completely gone of the deep end?"
- Jerome upon first meeting Ally: "Claire speaks so highly of you."
Ally: "Oh, Thank you."
Jerome: "How‘d the sex go with Victor."
Claire: "Jerome your manners. It hasn‘t happened yet."
- Ally: "3 months wow, that‘s really fast to be getting married isn‘t it."
Claire: "Well Ally if I moved at you pace I‘d be well, dead."
- Ally to Victor: "I just don‘t want to move to fast and blow you, it no it, it ,it, it, it ,it it, it, it, I meant to say blow it."
- Todd: "It‘s a third date, third dates aren‘t complicated, you just decided whether you want to sleep with him or not."
Ally: "Right, right which brings me right back to get out."
Todd: "You get out."
Ally: "This is my office."
Todd: "Yeah but you‘re the girl and after the fight the girl always runs out. Yet another opinion best not revealed."
- Victor: "Wanna leave?"
Ally: "Where would we go?"
Victor: "Motel 6, we could leave the lights on."
- Todd: "My therapist says that the inner me is.. how should I put this..."
Ally: "A dick?"
Todd: "Actually yes."
- Ally: "I‘ve often wanted to wear a little sign around my neck, you‘ve seen me dance now watch me fornicate."
Victor: "Ally don‘t talk."
Ally: "I sniffed Victor‘s ass once."
- Claire: "Ally there is something that nobody really knows about me."
Claire: "I‘m slightly over 50."
- Ally: "I don‘t want to blow Victor...have, have, I don‘t want to blow what I have with Victor."
- Ally on Maddie smoke: "You know Maddie why don’t you just get a big sign & put it over your head that says ‘I‘m stupid hear me choke‘"
- Victor: "The big thing here is to maintain dialogue which I see you’re doing. Ally you need to talk to her not at her."
Ally: "Yes Victor. Thanks Victor. I‘ll be going up stairs now Victor."
- Ally: "Are you interested in you and me as a..."
Ally: "So why the hurt?"
- Imaginary Larry: "I‘m back."
Ally: "What to you mean your back?"
Imaginary Larry: "I was hoping to move in."
Ally: "Move in... move in?"
Imaginary Larry: "Are you thinking about it?"
Maddie: "Why are you talking to the door?"
Ally: "I do that sometimes, I talk to doors, windows, ceilings whatever."
Maddie: "Do they ever talk back?"
Ally: "Now why would I need them to talk back when I have a daughter."
- Ally: "Go to hell."
Victor: "Been there, your place."
- Victor: "To it (kick in the butt) again and I’ll sue you."
Ally: "For what a concussion?"
- Maddie: "This is a mistake"
Ally: "You‘re the one who said he was cute."
Maddie: "No I mean your hair. You shouldn‘t go with the big do."
- Ally: "I had a bad dream."
Ally: "Please let me sleep in your bed."
Maddie: "Ally you‘ve got to stop doing this."
Ally: "I swear this will be my last time."
Maddie: "You have to go right to sleep"
- Maddie: "Ally the stork facility may be capable of making mistakes but Bonnie she isn‘t, she anus about stuff like that."
Ally: "I think that you mean anal."
- Ally to Raymond on joining the firm: "You have found a true Neanderthal soul mate in Richard Fish and you get to spend time with girls in the bathroom, something tells me that always been a goal."
- Ally to Raymond: "If you act like a tree trunk, I‘ll chop you down."
- Ally on Maddie: "Okay she‘s a midget she‘s not ten."
- Ally on Larry: "The bottom line is the little bastard walked out on me."
- Ally to Maddie: "I think the DNA test was because I wanted a guarantee... that you belong to me."
- Maddie: "Why are you crying?"
Ally: "Because you‘re my daughter."
- Maddie: "Marvin broke up with me that should be good news."
Ally: "Hmm, I‘m sorry to hear that."
Maddie: "No you‘re not."
Ally: "Yes I am. Why did he break up with you."
Maddie: "He wanted to have sex... I think just kissing."
Ally: "You‘re ten."
Maddie: "I know."
- Ally: "You‘re your own firm? Don‘t you need clients for that?"
Glenn: "She’ll have her own clients... mine.
Ally: "Excuse me?"
Glenn: "Foy and Shaw sounds good doesn‘t it."
Ally: "Your leaving?"
Glenn: "To start our own firm."
Ally: "That’s... that‘s amazing."
- Ally to Victor: "Just once I would like to get a glimpse of your crystal balls.... ball, crystal ball."
- Ally: "Ummm Victor, maybe you want to pick up a bottle of red wine and all those kids once they finally settle down maybe we can you know..."
Victor: "That sounds great. Yeah but what if something happens, you‘ll have to react, go to the E.R. god forbid, I think their parents would feel better knowing we‘re not drinking."
Ally: "Yeah good point, how about a joint? I was kidding, I was kidding, I was totally kidding."
- Maddie: "French kissing, what is it?"
Maddie: "They‘re talking about French kissing, what is it?"
Ally: "I don‘t want them talking about French kissing."
Maddie: "Come on hurry up tell me!"
Ally: "You touch tongues."
Maddie: "Really you stick out your tongues?"
Ally: "No you don‘t stick them you, you just..."
Maddie: "Show me."
Ally: "I am not going to show you."
Maddie: "Give me a demonstration with Victor."
Ally: "I will not."
Maddie: "Come on there could be worse things."
Ally: "Your tongues touch that‘s your explanation now go back to bed. I should not have given her a demonstration."
Victor: "No you should not have given her a demonstration."
Ally: "I‘ll go pour the wine."
- Victor: "I think you pushed too hard."
Ally: "I pushed too hard? Oh, so I shouldn’t worry about boys or security or killer bees, I should just relax and go with it and if my child dies, them‘s the brakes."
Victor: "You plan to be a total nightmare don‘t you?"
Ally: "Umm, you have no idea."
- Maddie: "I‘m not going, got it!"
Ally: "Just get your pissy little as up and to the breakfast table, now!"
- Ally: "So what are you going to call the firm Fish?"
Richard: "No I want to change the name but I thought first I ought to run it by you."
Richard: "I want to change it to Fish & McBeal"
- Ally: "Fish & McBeal? Uhhh.... you know phonetically it would sound better if it was McBeal & Fish."
- Student: "Looks like Goldilocks."
Ally: "Excuse me that chunky little boy right there just insulted my daughter I heard it."
Teacher: "Miss Mcbeal..."
Ally: "No I apologize but I am very concerned about her meeting new friends, she’s in a new school, that fat kid seems nasty and you‘ve got books picking on orphans and, prejudice comes in smooth reads by the way because bigots cannot spell."
- Ally: "That‘s not the point Maddie."
Maddie: "What is the point...Ally?"
- Ally: "Given that you a prone to point missing Maddie, why don‘t we just setup a fail safe and you check on things with me first okay."
Maddie: "Would that include vomit cause I’m about to puke here."
Ally: "Yes it would apply to vomit."
- Ally: "What you don‘t like it? You know Cheerios are one of the few things I can actually make."
Maddie: "The Cheerios are fine the chatters a little annoying."
Ally: "Sorry. Could I get you some juice?"
Maddie: "Could you? I’m sure you can you look able, may you I‘ll let you know."
- Ally after Maddie puked on her: "It‘s my Chanel."
- Ally: "Is there something wrong with me?"
Elaine: "Oh Ally of course there is but some of the most evil people make excellent parents."
- Ally: "You know I have no time for these power games so if you could just go back to your office and fill out your time sheets and have them on my desk by five."
Nelle: "Oh this isn‘t going to work at all."
Ally: "Well it‘s all up to you my little associate, oh and honey, remember when you do your hair now, to check the top of your head for my foot prints."
- Richard: "What’s going on nobody closes the door for good news it’s always for bad news. Why did you close the door? Is it for something sexual?"
Ally: "No Richard nothing sexual."
- Maddie: "The plumber cooks"
Maddie: "He likes to cook"
Ally: "You did all this?"
Maddie: "You should be all over him like a blanket."
Ally: "Thank you Maddie, please eat your dinner."
- Maddie: "Are you Allison McBeal?"
Ally: "I am."
Maddie: "Do you like surprises?"
Ally: "I hate them. Am I about to get one?"
Maddie: "Sort of. Do you want it straight up or would you like to sit down?"
Ally: "Hit me."
Maddie: "I‘m your daughter. Did you hear me?"
Ally: "Uh huh, I‘m just waiting for the little fantasy beat to be over... your still standing there."
- Ally: "I‘m an extremely emotional person, you can‘t take anything I say personally."
- Ally: "A 10 year old daughter doesn‘t just show up at my door and then take a 1 O‘Clock flight."
Maddie: "I‘ll be gone isn‘t that what you want?"
- Ally: "Why is the spot light on me?"
Nelle: "Oh I‘m sure there‘s a good reason."
Bonnie (singing): "How will you make it on your own..."
Ally: "Oh God."
- Maddie: "Can I call you mom?"
Ally: "I don‘t thing I‘ve quite earned that why don‘t we start off with..."
Maddie: "Step thing?"
- Elaine: "Why are we going to court?"
Ally: "I told you, I got a call from a criminal who wants to hire me."
Elaine: "Yes, but why am I going?"
Ally: "I‘m afraid of criminals and I don‘t want to go alone"
- Ally: "I‘m going through the stop and smell the roses faze in my life and there were no roses just you‘re thorny..."
- Ally when Mr. Hall is about to try flying: "I‘ll promise I‘ll go to church, I‘ll promise I‘ll go to church, I‘ll promise I will go to church"
- Ally: "Well, what do you think?"
Richard: "It‘s a dump"
Ally: "Oh Richard, just you know... just use your imagination."
Richard: "I‘m using my imagination, otherwise it‘s a condemned dump."
- Elaine: "Buying a house Ally... that‘s something that two people usually do."
Ally: "You know Elaine they do sell houses to single people, it‘s been known to happen."
- Ally: "Richard do you think that maybe you could get some paint on the wall?"
Richard: "Nice, imagine if someone said that to Jackson Pollock"
Ally: "Well that‘s probably how he got started."
- Ally: "The first thing I‘m going to get is a coat rack."
Richard: "A coat rack? Before a satellite dish."
- Ally: "Won‘t this place look beautiful with a coat rack, that would be perfect."
- Ally: "Isn’t it fabulous?."
Dr. Milter: "Oh it is, it’s you Alison. It’s beautiful, but neglected and sad but..."
Ally: "Don‘t start psychoanalyzing, just look at it for what it is. "
Dr. Milter: "Alright it‘s a dump."
- Ally to Richard: "Look around you officially a have person, I feel full."
- Ally: "The thing about men, they can‘t be romantic about the wind unless they‘re breaking it."
- Ally: "The house works right?"
Victor: "Depends on the purpose I guess."
Ally: "Oh now don‘t you start okay, please."
Victor: "The house works. Your plumbing's old"
Ally: "I beg your pardon?"
Victor: "It‘s gonna need some work."
- Victor: "I bought a house a couple years ago, torn down every part, rebuilt it... then I sold it"
Victor: "I don‘t know I guess it didn‘t really represent who I am?"
Ally: "Which is?"
Victor: "A work in progress"
- Victor on the house & his chemistry with Ally: "The electricity is good."
- Victor: "Good news, bad news."
Ally: "Alright I‘ll take the bad news first."
Victor: "Your plumbing's shot."
Ally: "The good news"
Victor: "I‘m not speaking as your gynecologist... plumbing humor."
- Ally: "I have to pay you? Well are you married... bonded?"
Victor: "I‘m bonded."
- Jenny: "It doesn‘t even fit I look ridiculous."
Ally: "It‘s a bride‘s maid dress it‘s suppose to look ridiculous."
- Ally: "I love the idea of a 50-year-old woman and a young guy. I hope when I‘m 50 years old young boys still find me attractive. It gives us all a little hope."
- Ally: "I have a friend, she has a mother. My friend‘s mother is getting married. My friend‘s mother‘s fiance made a play on me. Now do I tell her?"
Ally: "Forget it."
- Ally: "I know how guys right before they get married they want to dip that quill in a little ink one last and um... you know I guess that.... well you know I would sort of be interested in being that ink well, now if you were interested?"
Tim: "I‘m not"
- Ally to Richard: "That‘s a little abstract and way too profound for you to come up with."
- Ally: "God works in mysterious ways ‘they‘ say."
- Ally: "Can you please allow this for me I don‘t ask for much....(raised eyebrows by everyone else) I don‘t!"
- Ally: "You‘re the expert but I believe the lord gave man free will."
Harrison Wyatt: "Which given the times would seem to be a flagrant abuse of discretion would it not?"
- Ally: "Is the a particular reason you‘re dressed like an elf?"
John: "Yes Ally Veteran's Day."
- Ally to a snappish John: "We‘ll bite my head off or in the alternative just bite me."
- Ally: "It‘s because your mother‘s still here Malcolm that you can‘t sing and it‘s because she is still here that you will sing again."
- Ally on fun: "I happen to be against having a good time, it just happens to be something I don’t enjoy"
- Ally: "I said the three little words men never want to hear... it‘s too soon."
- Ally: "I‘m afraid he‘s going to think I‘m one of those..."
Milter: "Penis taunters?"
- Raymond: "Call me oink but I still think he loves her, I don‘t think either one of us is getting any tonight."
- Elaine: "Did you hear, Glenn & Jenny just got back together."
Ally: "They did?"
Elaine: "Aren‘t you just devasted."
Ally: "I‘m not as crushed as you are I see."
Elaine: "Awe, Ally I just want you to know I am here for you."
Ally: "Awe yes and what am I going to do about that."
- Raymond: "Ally did you hear?"
Ally: "Awe yes, Elaine broke it to me ever so gently."
Raymond: "So I guess you and I should go out huh, say the word."
- Ally: "I think Glenn is a boy, a cute boy, but Larry he was a man you know what I mean?"
- Ally: "Did you strip for a semi nude layout?"
Ling: "My character wasn‘t growing enough."
- Milter: "When you‘re home and the phone rings what‘s the very first thought that goes through your head?"
Milter: "So much for John Cage."
- Ally: "Jenny the wrong ones can‘t hurt you, it‘s the right ones... they‘re the killers"
- Frances: "I heard you had this amazing little dwarf here called the croissant."
Ally: "The biscuit and he‘s full size."
- Ally: "I‘ve been in between relationships for you know... ever."
- Ally: "You know since the world changed in September, that I read this article that everybody's having sex. First dates boom, friends calling other friends boom. There’s this whole new attitude and it’s why live for tomorrow why not now. I mean you know what I‘m saying?"
Milter: "You want some boom-boom."
- Ally to Glenn on his kiss: "Ah, didn‘t change my life but it wasn‘t terrible I admit that."
- Elaine: "Why are you talking like that?"
Ally: "Talking like what?"
Elaine: "Yes, clipped. You‘ve been walking around for days now looking circumspect, talking clipped."
- Ally to Glenn: "Let‘s just knock........ it off."
- Ally: "Glenn I find myself becoming increasingly attracted to you, Which I will certainly admit to but the attraction is one of the affair variety which means at the finish line there will be nothing but casualties so whatever destructed urges I have I am choosing to face them alone so if that‘s not adultful then go...go...go...goodbye."
- Ally on men: "Jenny they like football, as a whole they are a dumb sex. There I said it."
Jenny: "Are you telling me there‘s not one funny, smart, decent looking guy."
Ally: "No of course there is."
Jenny: "Well where is he?"
- Milter: "It‘s Friday night"
Milter: "I have a life also plans."
- Ally: "Are you really getting your own TV show?"
Ling: "Why shouldn‘t I?"
- Ally: "Did I really have to come all the way up to your office?"
John: "Yes it‘s important, it‘s a semenal moment, aw seminal... seminal."
- John: "Ally you can hardly be accused of knowing what you want in a man."
Ally: "But I‘m pretty good a recognizing what I don‘t want."
- Ally: "Remember being young? Having fun?"
- Glenn: "Raymond... ready for the big depo?"
Raymond: "Ah, please I studied up more for urine tests, they let anybody sing up there, Ally & I are going to go out."
Ally: "No we‘re not."
- Ally: "I look forward to a lot of girl talk sessions about drapers, cloths, guys... the important stuff."
- Ally: "I ran into myself."
Milter: "You ran into your...self?"
Ally: "Yes, now I didn‘t know it at the time, but... but she had that lost look, didn‘t know whether she was coming or going, up or down. Remind you of anybody?"
- Ally: "I long to be a mentor."
Milter: "Dear god no!"
- Elaine: "Ally they’ve already started the staff meeting."
Jenny: "I thought nothing happened here without you?"
Elaine: "She said that?"
Ally: "On never mind Elaine."
- Ally: "This is Jenny Shaw."
Ling: "I don‘t like her."
- Jenny: "It‘s him."
Ally: "Him who? The cute utteris tickler?"
- Ally: "I never go for pretty boys, especially young pretty boys, I...I just thought he was... cute."
- Ally: "I just don’t find lawyers particularly trustworthy and and... that I would hire one as my therapist is is jeeessss. As highly recommend as you are... you know I went to a lawyer that I thought was a therapist which he was not. Cost me a year of my life."
- Ally on Glenn: "He‘s so GQ, puke."
- Ally: "What do they call those people who relive their lives over and over again?"
Milter: "The clinical word? Pathetic."
- Ally: "I‘m not one to relive my past problems thank you very much. I‘ve commit this year to new disasters."
- Jenny on her old firm: "I‘m not a vulgar person Ally but I really think their... pricks."
- Jenny: "You thought he (Raymond) was cute."
Ally: "I did not."
Jenny: "You did, you looked down and gave you outfit a quick glance over. I know do that too, when I meet a cute guy I check my outfit and my breasts to make sure they‘re still there."
- Raymond: "What Miss Beal refers to is a pretext is the law in the commonwealth."
Ally: "This is bad faith and it should be sanctioned and it‘s McBeal... Mc...Beal."
- Ally: "Somebody‘s after me I'm not sure who it is. It could be Jenny."
- Milter: "Allison give me your hand. I know about life, when you do find the perfect mate you‘ll love him and you‘ll commit the rest of the waking days trying to change him. Then finally, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years hence you’ll succeed and you’ll look across the table at him after having rehabilitated every one of his habits, all his idiosyncrasies and you’ll bemoan you’re not the man I married."
Ally: "Could you hone in on a point?"
Milter: "The younger men are trainable. If you find him attractive, if he’s smart, take him home, take him shopping, take him into your bosom. It‘s not the man that makes the man Allison it‘s the woman."
- Milter: "Ally give me your hand please. Would you like to be able to stop thinking about Glenn?"
Milter: "Alright. What I’m about to tell you next is highly confidential. When the attraction is sexual and only sexual that best way to extinguish it is to go to your... self with him in mind."
Ally: "I beg your pardon."
Milter: "It puts out the urge."
Ally: "Are you suggesting what I think your suggesting?"
Milter: "Libido is a thirst Allison, it‘s best to quench it. If you can do so with out him actually in the room, much neater."
- Ally to Milter: "You‘re a lude person."
- Ally: "Maybe god made another me under the theory if at first you don‘t succeed..."
- John after Ally bumped into him: "It‘s alright pork chop."
Ally: "Pork chop?"
John: "I meant to say lamb chop, damm it."
- Ally on the new lawyers: "They were just bickering like little children cause that‘s what they are right... little children right?."
- Milter: "Ally give me your hand please. Ally do you have aging issues?"
Ally: "Why would I have those issues about that?"
- John: "Ally a second please it’s important. Ally enough of this, I want you, you want me, let‘s just get down to business."
Ally: "I really don‘t have time for jokes right now."
- Ally: "If they‘re lucky they‘ll come to have what we have."
John: "Yeah. What do we have?"
Ally: "Well... you know a true plutonic relationship."
- Jenny: "Oh this is for me ‘Lady Is A Tramp’. That‘s what he (Glenn) use to call me, his little tramp."
Ally: "Oh, how romantic."
- John: "You could call him"
Ally: "I‘m the woman, it‘s against the law for me to make the call."
John: "But since he’s technically the dumpee..."
Ally: "John I am fine don‘t you see me sitting in the bar having a good time."
John: "Yes it‘s infectious."
- Corretta: "Ally... he went back to Detroit."
Ally: "Oh... to live?"
Corretta: "Yeah, not with her but ah, to be near his son I guess."
Ally: "Oh, so he‘s gone."
- Ally: "Look we didn’t deserve to win because the harm isn’t irreparable. It may seem that way now but there will be other loves. Now I loved this boy my whole life and I thought that we were put specifically on this earth for each other but he went away, got married, came back, died, life went on and then this year I met this other boy and he was so umm..... well you‘ve met him Larry Paul."
Reverend Harris: "Oh he‘s dandy."
Ally: "Yeah. Thank you. Well I’ve you know, well he went away and ah, well I still love him in such a way that it‘s impossible for me to believe that anybody else could ever make me so happy but you know what Malcolm, you know what?"
Reverend Harris: "What? Oh sorry."
Ally: "Experience tells me that I will love again and I will be loved again. Now maybe not tomorrow and maybe not this year but I will be loved again and do you know what? Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you Malcolm?"
Malcolm: "I think. You still believe in love."
Ally: "Exactly, you have to. You just ah... have to."
- Drill Sergeant: "Can we live without a man?"
Ally: "No sir!"
Drill Sergeant: "What?"
Ally: "No! I mean yes!"
Drill Sergeant: "Yes what?"
Ally: "Yes sir!"
Drill Sergeant: "What do I want to hear?"
Ally & her troop: "Men suck sir!"
Drill Sergeant: "I can’t here you!"
Ally & her troop: "Men suck sir!"
Drill Sergeant: "Say it again!"
Ally & her troop: "MEN SUCK SIR!"
- Dress store clerk: "Are you chaperoning or..."
Ally: "No, I‘m going as somebody‘s date."
Dress store clerk: "To a prom?"
Ally: "Um huh."
Dress store clerk: "Aren‘t you a little vintage?"
Ally: "Could you just help me with the dress?"
Dress store clerk: "I have a lovely chiffon gown in stock which I thing would go lovely with your botox."
- Ally: "So mom says you want to kill him."
George McBeal: "Oh no only a little."
- Wendy: "Can I ask you a question are you his mother?"
Ally: "I‘m his mistress."
- John: "What‘s wrong?"
Ally: "Ah nothing. No it‘s just probably one of those little moods that I get."
Ally: "Uh works been a little tedious."
John: "More specifically."
Ally: "I‘m over tired"
John: "And precisely"
Ally: "Larry‘s going to dump me."
Ally: "Yeah he‘s been acting a little uh...uh differently, odd."
- John: "You are making out of the biggest mountain out the most infinitesimal molehill, so he had desert with his ex-wife."
Ally: "Coupled with my psychic feeling that something is up and along with the fact that she was dabbing his nose in sex cream"
John: "Whipped cream."
Ally: "It was sexual you saw it."
- Ally on Larry: "I broke up with him."
- Ally: "I knew the first time that I met him Renee that that man (Larry) would either make or break me."
Renee: "No man is capable of doing either with you Ally and you know that."
Ally: "Uh your right. You’re right. You’re right."
Renee: "Whenever you get like this we always have ice cream but under the circumstances..."
Ally: "Under the circumstances I’m gonna go to work"
- Ally: "He seemed erratic Renee, he didn‘t even seem like himself."
Renee: "Well if he‘s emotionally..."
Ally: "He‘s gone."
Renee: "He‘s not gone."
Ally: "He leaves notes did you know that?"
Ally: "He‘s can’t deal with goodbyes so he leaves notes. I‘m gonna get a note."
- Jeannie McBeal: "When everything’s that fine a mother worries."
Jeannie McBeal: "What‘s wrong honey."
- Jeannie: "You think wanting a family makes you a lesser person? You know not that you’ve ever made a habit of excepting any wisdom from me Ally but family is everything Ally. It’s where the strong live and it’s where they love."
Ally: "I‘m not sure that I can live without him."
Jeannie McBeal: "You’re the toughest person I’ve ever met and I hope things work out with Larry because I really do like him even if .... does but if they don‘t move on. That I know."
- Ally to the dancing baby: "Oh, oh don‘t... don’t you even think of shooting me. Okay now see your not real. Okay you don‘t scare. No, you know you wanna shoot me go ahead just shoot, shoot."
- Richard: "Hey Ally."
Ally: "Since when do you have a key to my apartment?"
Richard: "Oh, Jackson had copies made, happy birthday."
- Ally: "Now is great. I feel happy I have my friends, I have my family, I have my job and like you say I have nice outfits but I still feel alone. Now alone by myself I can take but alone while happy with someone else... oh."
- Renee: "You were diving across the floor to?"
Ally: "Oh, oh that. Well that stupid dancing baby is back I was just trying to kill it. I‘m fine Renee."
- Ally: "Doesn‘t that make you jealous (Jackson & Elaine‘s duet)?"
Ling: "With her, please."
Renee: "What about me? We both slept with the guy, if I can deal so can you."
Ling: "You two slept together?"
Renee: "We dosed off one night watching the news."
- Ally: "He‘s (Larry) going to leave."
- Larry: "Hey birthday girl you wanna dance?"
Ally: "I don‘t know what makes me so easy."
Larry: "Well I did bring Sting."
- Ally: "Sting actually sang to me."
Larry: "So did I. Did you notice?"
Ally: "Oh you sang. I noticed."
Larry: "I‘m sorry I missed most of your birthday."
Ally: "Well you half way made up for it."
Larry: "Half-way you think? Third of the way at best"
Ally: "Oh, big talker tonight."
Larry: "I love you Ally McBeal, happy birthday"
- Ling: "Ally I think I'm have you mental problem."
Ally: "Which one I have many?"
- Ally: "I think you’re in love."
Ling: "What! How do I snap out of it?"
- John: "Ally... second please. I just got a new case, I‘m off to court now and Larry is opposing counsel."
Ally: "He is?"
John: "Now truth be told, I don‘t ah I don’t quite have a feeling for him yet. Any buttons I could push?"
Ally: "I have a little conflict of interest there don‘t you think?"
John: "Well... I..I..I‘m not looking to date him I just want the upper hand from a lawyer standpoint. Your duty does lie with the client of course."
- Ally giving John advice: "Okay. With Larry it‘s all about rhythm. When we argue he likes to suck me into this fast patter because the fast we go he figures the fast he goes the less likelihood I'll spot what I’m about to step into.."
- Larry: "Ally you’re against smiling on principal, what‘s going on? What‘s going on?"
Renee: "Don‘t look at me."
Larry: "Okay fine then back to you, what‘s going on?"
Ally: "Well um, well John, he asked me for a few tips on how to oppose you in court. So I suggested that he break your rhythm. You know since you’re a little useless without it. Cute, but useless."
- Ally: "Did you find Barry White?"
John: "I‘m going in search of him and when I return I will have the bastard, hell or high water."
Mark: "Did you find him yet?"
John: "Never mind."
- Ally: "Objection assuming facts not in evidents, argumentative, leading."
Larry: "Oh, Could you pick one?"
Ally: "I pick all three. It‘s a multi-objectionable question."
Judge Walsh: "Overruled, overruled and over ruled. Sit down Ms. McBeal."
- Ally: "You didn‘t have to beat him up."
Larry: "I didn‘t beat him up."
Ally: "No, you did Larry you were a bully."
Larry: "Nope. Bully?"
Ally: "See when you pick on someone who‘s smaller than you that makes you a bully."
Larry: "Okay if you’re just... If your gonna get all angry and all."
Ally: "I am not angry."
Larry: "You‘re not angry?"
Ally: "I‘m not angry!"
Larry: "Oh, well you’re taking clean dishes from the cupboard and putting them in the washer."
Ally: "That‘s because I‘m bored"
Ally: "Yes I’m bored and stop making me repeat myself because that is what’s going to make me angry."
- Ally: "I suppose if I’m old & wrinkled and gray one day you‘ll no longer love me?"
Larry: "No I’ll still love you, you’ll still be tall."
- Ling: "Look Nelle it‘s a midget. (evil stare from Ally) What?"
Ally: "My grandfather once told me that you could measure the dignity of a person by how he is able to see the dignity in others."
Ling: "I don‘t get it."
Ling: "Was it a riddle?"
- Ally: "You certainly seemed to be working up a sweat the other night."
Renee: "Sport sex."
Ally: "Sport sex?"
Renee: "Sport sex, he wasn‘t making I contact."
- Ally: "Could you beat up Jackson today. Would you do that for me."
Larry: "I‘ll have to check my schedule, what did he do now?"
Ally: "He was honest with Renee"
- Ally to Larry: "Please don‘t make fun of me you’re already on thin ice for not loving me if I were half my size."
- Ally (to her client): "Love is um ... well... it’s like an obstacle course. Some people let the obstacles win and then there are those who don‘t."
- Larry: "If we cohabitate we co-decorate that’s it. End of discussion."
Ally: "No, no shush. Men..."
Larry: "I won‘t debate it."
Ally: "Men, men cannot decorate it is nature, it is genetic."
Larry: "Ah ha, alright then and by nature men need to mark their turf so tomorrow I’m telling you we‘re going to Sears to get a sofa."
- Ally: "Did you make love to him?"
Elaine: "A little."
Ally: "A little?"
- Jackson: "What the hell was that?"
Ally: "I was just trying to make sure everything was on the up and up. Isn‘t that the way you like to do things... Jackson."
- Elaine: "I‘ve spent almost my whole adult life without a boyfriend."
Ally: "Well gee I wonder why?"
- Jackson: "Ally. Larry."
Ally: "Okay what am I missing?"
Larry: "Jackson‘s upset I didn‘t commit malpractice and advise Julie to sign a ludicrous pre-nup"
Jackson: "What‘s ludicrous is that your client even cares. Marriage should be about love. Now a pre-nup that‘s about money."
Larry: "Who‘s idea was the pre-nup Jackson?"
Ally: "Okay, okay. You know Jackson you were a little dicey just trying to slide into the"
Jackson: "Excuse me, dicey?"
Ally: "Well representing a...."
Jackson: "You know what? I‘m not even in the mood for your issues"
Ally: "My issues what are my issues?"
Jackson: "Look lady."
Jackson: "First you’re kissing me."
Ally: "I thought you were him."
Jackson: "Then you climb into bed."
Ally: "I thought you were her."
Jackson: "And your hands were all up on my privates."
Ally: "Well because I thought it was the remote control."
Larry: "Hold on."
Jackson: "Felt like the remote did it?"
Ally: "Yes it did feel like the remote control, hard, plastic."
Renee: "Excuse me?"
Jackson: "Oh please don‘t flatter yourself."
Larry: "Excuse me too. You hand your hand on his"
Renee: "Hard plastic?"
Jackson: "Men have it when they’re sleeping"
Jackson: "No erections and it had nothing to do with her thin little hand."
Ally: "Oh, well isn‘t that the remote calling the wrist skinny."
- Larry: "We could watch TV together. You could work the remote."
Ally: "Ooh, don‘t be gross."
- John to Richard: "Perhaps that‘s the essence of our friendship, I sound like an ass and you act like one."
- John: "Where going to California?"
Richard: "Not just California, that little Mecca that‘s aberrant enough for you and superficial enough for."
John: "You mean?"
Richard: "I do, we‘re going to L.A.."
- Ally: "What do you mean you’re going to Los Angeles"
Richard: "Just a two day R&R"
Nelle: "Los Angeles?"
Richard: "We‘re looking to broaden ourselves culturally a little. I‘m I right John"
John: "In deed."
Richard: "Ally, while we’re gone your senior partner pro-tem"
Mark, Ling, Nelle & Ally: "What?"
- Richard: "We missed the flight John."
John: "We‘re not going to miss the flight"
Richard: "7 drug stores just to..."
John: "You‘ll be glad we have the extra protection."
Richard: "Sun lotion is sun lotion."
- Richard: "I didn‘t know they had trials in Los Angeles. Don‘t they just beat you up and send you to Mexico"
John: "That‘s just the aliens."
- John: "It‘s hard enough these days with airlines deliberately canceling flights, causing unfurled delays on purpose, serving food with a longer life expectance of cardboard, more times than not it is cardboard. It‘s hard enough, they herd you on like cattle, flight attendants treating you like pigs. All the while your seated next to a hog blasting sulfur all the way from New York to Mississippi, is it beyond reason to rebel for three measly breaths of bacteria free air?"
- John to Richard: "I don‘t think we maximize our potential by taking our clothes off."
- John: "I‘d be happy to take a whack at you....poca... poca... take a whack at it."
Cassandra: "Are you a good lover...poca...poca...lawyer? Forgive me my sense of humors a little naughty. Are you a good lawyer?"
John: "I’m very good."
Cassandra: "Well then I‘d love for you to take a whack at... it."
- John: "Then he hires a man to get her to stumble like a cheap episode of Temptation Island."
- Cassandra: "Your lips are blue John."
John: "Well, I mean the water was cold, you think they‘d heat their pool."
Cassandra: "But they‘re really blue."
John: "When I chill it‘s usually to the bone."
- Richard: "You know that was fun, huh buddy... it was good to getaway."
- Ally: "What do you mean you’re going to Los Angeles"
Richard: "Just a two day R&R"
Nelle: "Los Angeles?"
Richard: "We‘re looking to broaden ourselves culturally a little. I‘m I right John"
John: "In deed."
Richard: "Ally, while we’re gone your senior partner pro-tem"
Mark, Ling, Nelle & Ally: "What?"
- Ally upon seeing Jackson naked: "Oh my God!"
- Richard: "It‘s Motown night."
Ally: "Motown night?"
Richard: "As in Detroit, home of the Tigers, Lions, Larry."
Ally: "Oh, funny."
- John: "I never for a second thought he wouldn‘t comeback."
John: "No...no, the man knows what he’s got."
- Ally: "How long are you back for?"
Larry: "Does forever work for you?... I was hoping it would."
- Ally: "I won‘t be able to take you leaving again."
Larry: "Which works out well cause I don‘t plan to."
- Ally: "You‘ll work it out Richard because he is your best friend and you‘ll work it out with Melanie because you love her and..."
Larry/John: "and the alternative is too unthinkable."
Ally: "and the alternative is too unthinkable."
- Ally advising Elaine on men: "You love him, you be honest with him, you be there when he needs somebody to hold on to and every now & then you tell him that he has a real nice ass."
- Ally: "Ah...he...I-I-I was hallucinating."
Renee: "What, you saw Larry?"
Renee: "Al Green?"
Renee: "Gloria Gaynor?"
Renee: "Then who did you see?"
Ally: "Barry Manilow... call 9-1-1"
- Ling: "You‘re not going to get all weird again now that Larry‘s gone are you?"
Ally: "Ling, I never stopped being weird."
- Richard: "I keep hearing noises. I hope we don‘t have rats in the walls"
Ally: "That sound‘s like a dog."
- Ally on the phone to Larry: "How Sam? Will you sent him my love?... How‘s Jamie? Will you sent her the measles?"
- Ally: "Larry is not gone, he‘s in Detroit"
- Larry: "I will come back"
Ally: "I know you will baby"
- Ally: "Mr. Larry, I love you."
- Ally on Larry: "He's a dream come true right till the bitter end."
- Larry: "Just keep hearing that song I wrote you. 'Kay and ah, don't forget"
Ally: "Okay and don't you forget"
- Ally: "You want me to argue that it's okay to evaluate somebody based on looks."
Ling: "What else is there?"
Ally: "Ling, why don't you go somewhere and pluck an eyebrow or at least pencil one in?"
Ling: "Back when you were attractive you didn't mind being judged on beauty alone. It's amazing how principle pops up with wrinkles."
Ally: "I've never challenged a girl to a fight before..."
Ling: "But since a black eye could now be at..."
Ally: "Let's go."
- Larry: "The Chubby Checker?"
Ally: "No, no, one of the other ones. Of course, the Chubby."
- Larry: "What do you mean, 'no-win?' Why wouldn't you win?"
Ally: "Larry, were you not listening when I told you the facts?"
Larry: "Yeah, she fired her for being unattractive?"
Ally: "And you don't see anything wrong with that?"
Larry: "Clearly I must."
Larry: "Ally, you work at cage and fish."
Larry: "Um, hmm... it's extremely well-known Richard fish only hires babes."
Ally: "I beg your pardon?"
Larry: "You didn't know this? It's practically on your firm's resume. Have you ever seen your firm's resume?"
Ally: "No, Richard Fish does not hire based on-on..."
Larry: "You, Ling, Nelle, Georgia, it's quite the kennel."
Ally: "Where did you hear this?"
Larry: "It's out there. Guys want to work there because of it. So do a lot of women. It's like being a Dallas cowboy’s cheerleader."
- Ally: "Our lawyers have legs to stand on?"
Richard: "Fishism, no biggie."
Ally: "Richard, I'm going to ask you one more time. Did you hire me based on my looks?"
Richard: "(Sighs) Ally, did we know each other in law school?"
Ally: "Not really."
Richard: "Mm-hmm. Did I interview you for the job?"
Richard: "Did I ask to see a reference or a transcript?"
Richard: "So all I had to go on was looks. Why bite the hand that wants to touch you?"
Ally: "So this had nothing to do with my ability as a lawyer?"
Richard: "What ability? I'm still looking for that. Kidding. Ally, you, Ling, Nelle, you're smart. You wouldn't be here if you weren't, but people hate lawyers. Clients think we're only out to screw them. It's just easier being screwed by a beautiful woman. Vulgarism."
Ally: "I can't believe this."
- Ally: "I may have a law degree but I was hired here for being a babe."
Elaine: "(Laughing) Oh, right. Yeah, you, you're a babe. Come on, you're hardly... I'm sure that's not true. it is?"
- Larry on Ally's new hat: "Have you considered several might try to nest on it at the same time? They could fight, die, and nature could suffer?"
Ally: "Yes. That's, that's the first question I posed."
Larry: "Ally, hats like this, they eventually bear fruit."
Ally: "Mm, you're, you're very... Funny."
- Ally on not being jealous: "I was able to work in the same office with Georgia who was married to the first ass I ever sniffed."
- Nelle: "Bite my head off."
Ally: "Don't tempt me."
- Ally: "It's just that I've been having this really weird vibe for whatever reason that there was something happening between you and Jamie."
Larry: "There was."
Larry: "I kissed her."
Ally: "Oh. Well, how was that?"
Larry: "You know, I started to kiss her, I should say because, you know, I couldn't. Obviously, I couldn't."
Ally: "Well, then, there's no problem, then. See, because I don't have a problem with the man I'm seeing kissing another woman so long as he breaks it off within say, what, four or five seconds?"
- Ally: "He kissed her, Renee, and this is the early part of our relationship. Now, imagine when we get married and he's required by law to cheat."
- Ally: "Love isn't always enough."
Larry: "Yeah, it is. You go without it... Long enough and you realize it's everything."
- John: "Sometimes it's hard to walk home on a beautiful night when you, uh...When you have gas."
Ally: "When you're alone?"
John: "You know, lately I've been getting the feeling that I'm going to be alone all my life."
- John: "Look, I know how you massage people. You make their worries go away. You did it with Kimmy, with Elaine... Lord knows how you massage Ally.
John: "I need your help on this. Have I ever asked you for much?"
Ally: "He'll do it, John. These are the kinds of things that he just can't say "no" to."
John: "Thank you."
- Ally: "Not all guys rush, Elaine. Now, Larry and I, we dated for almost a month before we, you know..."
Elaine: "But that's you, Ally. I'm more, you know, in heat."
- Elaine: "How was it with Larry? You know, the first...?"
Ally: "Hmm... It was so incredibly...Private."
- Ally: "She likes you."
John: "Oh, that... Oh, uh...I don't know."
Ally: "No, she does. Do you like her?"
John: "Well, Ally, she's a client."
Ally: Well, I understand that, but suppose we win this trial. You two could go out."
John: "That... I-I... Uh..."
Ally: "John, John... I think she gets you."
- Ally: "You know, life is short, Nelle. It really is."
Nelle: "Thank you."
Ally: "Do you ever feel like you're wasting yours?"
Nelle : "Ally, I'm happy for you but I like my life just fine, thank you."
- Ally: "It's the insistence on "making sense" that doesn't make sense and the people who do, they-they-tend up alone."
John: "Ally...She barks, she squeals, she makes me squeal. Her little hand fires out and whacks things. When I go to a movie I-I like the action to stay on the screen."
Ally: "Mmm. You're right. Wouldn't make sense. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm."
- John: "Are you serious... You and Larry?"
- Ally: "Well... very"
- Larry on inviting Jamie to the firmns Christmas party: "Is it okay?"
- Ally: (imagines throwing him out the window) "Sure!"
- Larry on Renee: "The woman's all sex isn't she?"
- Ally: "and more"
- Jamie: "Remember when we did Godspell. We did Godspell in college."
- Ally: "Ah, huh"
- Jamie: "He was Jesus (Larry), which I'd call him again at home after the second coming"
- Elaine: "I love her"
- Ally: "She's pretty good"
- Larry: "Well she studied dance"
- Ally: "I meant Elaine"
- Larry: "Oh yeah she is good."
- Mark on Richard & Ling's lip synching: "Is he kidding?"
- Elaine: "I'm not sure."
- Ally: "They've got to be kidding."
- Renee: "I don't know."
- Nelle: "He's really good."
Ally: "Isn't he?"
- Ling: "It's not natural that you haven't slept with him yet."
Ling: "Well, you've been together over a month."
Elaine: "Well, not every couple just jumps right into bed, Ling."
Ling: "Oh, that's right, Elaine-- you wait and count to three first."
- Ally: "All right, look, when you meet the right man which none of you have with the possible exception of you, ling-- I-I do agree that richard fish is probably your perfect soul mate-- you do not rush it.
Y-you hold longing stares. You have an extended courtship. Th-that-that first touch of the hand, you relish it. The first kiss, you savor it. You become, um... Uh... Patient when you know that it's right. Y-you don't race. Now, I love where I am with Larry at this moment, and I am not going to let these times get preempted by a horny moment."
- John: "Ally, was your little squeeze-box making fun of my situation with Kimmy last night?"
Ally: "My little 'squeeze-box'?"
John: "Yeah. I heard him sing, "package deal" uh, "tell the mother to stop yapping"... And he looked our way, too. Now, I don't appreciate that kind of garbage."
Ally: "Um... John... Bruce springs teen wrote that song. I don't think he had you in mind at the time."
- Ally advising John: "Why-why don't you just talk to her and-and tell her that the mother is unacceptable? She's fine for holidays but... Not dates."
- Ally: "Hey, Larry, I-I-I was just coming to see you."
Larry: "I was on my way to see you."
Ally: "You were?
Larry: "Mm-hmm. Hey, they say it's a good sign when a couple can meet halfway."
Ally: "Are we a good couple?"
Larry: "I see potential."
Ally: "Uh, what are you thinking?"
Larry: "I don't believe in that."
Ally: "Believe in what?"
Larry: "Uh, telling each other what we're thinking. Overtalking, uh can make you lazy."
Ally: "I'm sorry?"
Larry: "Well, part of communication is silent, body language, mood... You know, reading each other... You know, figuring it out instead of just flipping to the back page for the answers."
Ally: "I'm having a little trouble reading you, then."
Larry: "All right, I'll tell you this... One thing."
Larry: "Standing here right now...I'm totally... Freezing. Let's go."
- Ally: Hey, stranger.
Larry: "Uh, oh, uh, Ally, right?"
Ally: "That's funny."
Larry: "I've been, um...Missing you. On purpose?"
Ally: "That's funny again."
- Larry: "I know you're probably wondering why things maybe haven't accelerated as fast as-as maybe... You know, last week I-I opened up to you more than I ever...It was exhilarating and, uh, a little scary and it's, it's, uh..."
Ally: "Scared you."
Larry: "Well, I'm not afraid of this. I'm really, really excited if you only knew... How...I'm doing a lousy job of explaining it."
Ally: "No, you're not. You... Want to take it really slow because you want it to be right. Well, slow doesn't bother me, Larry. You and me, we're, we're going to get there. And we should just enjoy the ride."
Larry: "( Sighs ) how about tonight we..."
Ally: "How about tonight you let me cook you dinner?"
Larry: "That'd be great."
- Larry: "I've been singing Christmas carols."
Ally: "Oh, right."
Larry: "No, I have. I've made a comeback."
Ally: "Mmm...Sing me one? Not the one that you played before."
Larry: "You pick it."
Ally: "Okay. Um...Little drummer boy."
Larry: "Hey, that's peppy."
Ally: "Okay. Um...White Christmas."
Larry: "That one I know."
- Larry: "I lied. I only wanted to be alone most of the night"
Renee: "Well... I'm going to go to bed unless you need me."
Ally: "No, I can make do."
- Ally: "It's Christmas. Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy."
Renee: "Oh, please. What's everybody's favorite Christmas movie? 'It's A Wonderful Life'. Jimmy Stewart. He tries to commit suicide. He jumps off a bridge."
- Ally: "Forgive me because I have spent my whole life crafting this little list of how it's supposed to go when I meet somebody and as I've gotten older I've become more willing to make compromises. There's only one real prerequisite left on the list for the man in my life."
Larry: "What's that?"
Ally: "I have to love him. ( Clears throat ) these Christmas blues are they connected to your son?"
Larry: "Very much."
Ally: "Can you tell me?"
Larry: "The first three years of his life his mother and I were together this was before I married and became unto ether with some and he loves the snow and... Well, Christmastime, we, uh... All that stuff that you find magical about Christmas-- the tree and stockings and... Sleigh rides and making angels in the...-- I did all that with him and now I don't have him so I... I don't really have Christmas."
- Larry: "I have a son. He's seven years old."
Ally: "Why didn't you tell me this before?"
Larry: "Um, 'cause I'm ashamed."
Ally: "You're ashamed of having a son?"
Larry: "I'm ashamed that I don't see him every day and I'm ashamed that he's grown up for the most part without his father."
Ally: "Well, where is he?"
Larry: "He's in Detroit...With his mother."
Ally: "I thought your ex-wife lived here in Boston."
Larry: "She does."
Ally: "Oh. Oh, you-you... You had this child with another woman."
- Larry: "You really do love Christmas, don't you?"
Ally: "Well... Yes. Why don't you?"
Larry: "Uh-oh, it's an issue. Should we settle this before we start naming children?"
- Larry: "You know, uh, isn't it a little early for a tree?"
Ally: "The Christmas season starts as soon as you put up your tree and I think the world could extend the yuletide spirit a week, you know? ( Horn honks ) oh! Bite me!"
Larry: "Ah, there's the spirit."
Ally: "You put up the tree, you decorate it you sit on the couch and look at the twinkle you make an eggnog..."
Larry: "I've always hated Christmas. Uh-oh... I should've saved that for later in the relationship."
Ally: "Um, I don't know if I can be with a man who hates Christmas."
Larry: "I'm allergic to the down feathers in the couch. All right, there's cholesterol in the eggnog the tree is a fire hazard, and twinkle lights can cause seizures."
Ally: "That's why you hate Christmas?"
Larry: "That and... I'm always alone."
Ally: "Oh. Well, you're not going to be alone this Christmas."
Larry: "Could you say that again, please?'
Ally: "You're not going to be alone this Christmas."
Larry: "Let's go decorate the tree. I can't wait."
- "I'm a lawyer, I'm independent, I've got the world at my finger tips and I am women and if he doesn't love me I don't know what I'm going to do"- Ally
- Ally "When you & I kissed it was..."
- "What if I promise I won't stare at it"- Ally being tricked into admitting she looks at Larry's butt
- Ally: "How would you handle me beating you?"
Larry: "I don't know, uh... most of all I'd be impressed you client is Kimmy!"
- "Sometimes I do dumb things just to see if you'll notice"- Ally to Renee
- "I've been meaning to ask you something for awhile now. Ally are you nuts?"- Larry
- Larry: "I want you to ditch the father & son act, I'll declare Nelle void, we can have dinner tonight."-
- "Ally, don't tell me the son has a twin."- Larry mocking Ally's situation
- Ally asking about her case: "Is there anything I need to know?"
Larry: "The son will probably live longer."
- Ally: "How's it going?"
Larry: "Pretty good. Still duping people, making them think I'm a therapist by putting attorney at law on my door"
- "Well if you need a sympathetic ear I can fake it"- Larry to Ally
- "He seemed so happy, which is unusual for a lawyer... if not illegal"-Ally
- "They say that after breaking up with somebody, a woman will date anybody... they also say that men can pick up on that"- Ally
- "This is the thing about dating somebody older... young beautiful things get dangled in front of you all day"- Ally
- "I’ve been so wanting to meet a guy where everything isn’t about money and who’s got plenty of it."- Ally
- "We both were afraid of George Bush but different ones"- Ally on her dates age gap
- "Whenever I think about sex, I use my napkin a lot, maybe because it's messy."- Ally
- "There might be circumsisience you might not know about"- Ally miss speaking while consoling to Mark
- Andrea: "If this works out I could be calling you mom"
Ally (to herself): "Only once because I'd kill you"
- "I have a friend who refuses to get a pet because he says in the end they die and it. Maybe it's the same for relationships. I don't know."- Ally
- Ally: "Georgia, you haven't weighed in yet. Are you back out there looking?"
Georgia: "Oh, ally, I started to look while I was still married. That's how I met your father."
Ally: "Oh, yeah. Thank you for reminding me."
- Mark: "Eligible men?"
Ally: "Yeah. Where do they go to meet women?"
Mark: "Well, the Neanderthals, they just want to meet models. As for the educated professionals, they just want to meet models."
Ally: "All men want to meet models?"
Mark: "It's the image. They're tall, sophisticated, beautiful. They don't speak."
- Richard: "I thought you said you didn't need a man."
Ally: "I don't."
Richard: 'Well, then, uh, what's this about?"
Ally" "I want one."
- Ling "Do you know an eligible man? And if so, why aren't you throwing yourself at him as we speak?"
Ally: "Although, he's not my... Type...Mark... Albert is eligible and seemingly normal. Let me pick his brain."
Ling: "Oh, please."
- Ally: "You think that I am a desperate person don't you?"
Ling: "Ally, you're all desperate. Five gorgeous women, Halloween night, parties all over town, you're dateless. That's pathetic. You're lonely, desperate women. Why can't you just admit it?
Renee: "You're here. What are you?
Ling: "I have my Richard."
- "With Brian, it was just a lack of passion. We loved each other, but it was almost... It was almost as if it was too comfortable."- Ally
- "When I think back on my loneliest moments... there was usually somebody sitting next to me."- Ally
- Ally: "You are the biggest ass I have ever met."
Larry: "Perhaps this is where you...kiss it good-bye."
- "I've always wanted to live a long life and with Brian I'm sure it will feel like that."- Ally
- "I am sorry that I called you the biggest ass I've ever met. I'm sure that there is at least one bigger. I-I just can't remember."- Ally to Larry
- "We-we don't seem to generate a lot of heat."- Ally to Brian on their relationship
- "We should go cause I’m dying, starving"- Ally during the awkward first meeting of Brian & her parents
- "I beg your pardon, but did you touch yourself last night with me in mind, while reading your emails"- Ally sarcastically to Renee on how she’d approach her Internet love
- "I don’t get my jollies helping young boys get erections, trust me"- Ally in pretrial
- "It’s worse than death Renee, it’s here!"- Ally to Renee on turning thirty
- "Oh yes, I’m looking to make love to him, my friend Mary says he’s great in the hay"- Ally to the Minister after he accused her of coming to church because she wants a man
- "I was so hoping you’d be more profound dead"- Ally to Billy’s ghost
- "Worse disco"- Ally after Ling asked if Pygmies were chasing her again
- "You are never gonna take Billy’s place, don’t even think about taking Billy’s place"- Ally to Mark
- "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!"- Ally’s reaction to hearing various murder scenarios
- "And in the continued spirit of our candor, I can see your roots"- Ally getting the last word after an argument with Billy
- "What's wrong with you? I gave you car smile."- Ally after not being noticed by a good looking driver
- "The best women are"- Ally's response to being called crazy
- "I know your smart enough to realize how ridiculous you’ve become" Ally to Billy
- "Uga Chuga, Uga Chuga"- Ally while poking the baby to see if it was real
- "Billy I don’t believe that violence solves anything, so you should leave before I leap to a poor solution"- Ally to Billy after he brought up Georgia kissing her father
- "Don’t make fun of my fantasy life mom, you inspired it"- Ally after revealing to her parents that she saw her mother with another man when she was 3
- "Speak now or forever hold your penis"- Ally describing what the minister said to Joel
- "I know I've got it great, really. Good Job, good friends, loving family, total freedom and long bubble baths. What else could there be?" -Ally
- "John, or is Mr.Machine?"- Ally after over hearing John declare himself a love machine
- "Did a dog just piddle on my foot"- Ally
- "Her first impressions aren't good but they're usually lasting"- Ally on Ling
- "I know I've got it great really, good job, good friends, loving family, total freedom & long bubble baths, what else could there be?"- Ally
- "I am human, I am tempermental, I am guilty,"- Ally
- "Sometimes I'm tempted to become a street person, cut off from society but then I wouldn't get to wear my outfits,"- Ally
- "People do read Entertainment Weekly,"- Ally on stupidity
- "You mean some people do?"- Ally to Whipper who doesn't believe she has 2 feet on the ground
- "You're supposed to be able to send your whole life to the dry cleaners, & it's supposed to come back all pretty & neat on a hanger,"- Ally
- "There were so many ways he just wasn't you- right,"- Ally to Billy about Ronald
- "You look like Hannibal Lector"- Ally to Elaine after seeing her in her face bra
- "The thing about funerals, the guest on honor is always dead,"- Ally
- "It's like one day I have to deal with the 2 sure things in life, death & adultery,"- Ally
- "I'm getting so healthy, I can double date with them & my stomach doesn't hurt,"- Ally on Billy & Georgia
- "I didn't mean for her to fall, I was only going for a stumble,"- Ally on tripping the chip lady
- "Why would you enter into the throws of Ruffles if you have trouble with ridges,"- Ally to the lady who took the last bag of chips
- "All I ever wanted was to be rich, & to be sucsessful & have 3 kids & a husband waiting up a night to tickle my feet, & now I don't even like my hair,"- Ally on her life
- "He can't be a man & just paw me a little, I am a sexual object, he couldn't give me a little grope."- Ally on her date with Ronald
- "Most men would have asked to sleep with me but what he did was rude,"- Ally on her date with Ronald
- "I'm used to getting dumped, this isn't pain I'm feeling. It's nostalgia." -Ally on breakups
- "I'm nothing without my face"- Ally on aging
- "Men are like bubble gum after you chew they lose their flavor" -Ally
- "The more lost you are the more you have to look forward to" -Ally
- "I realize 40 is ancient," Ally babbling on her date with Ronald
- "A dance is basically foreplay," Ally to herself while dancing with Ronald
- "There's so many reasons to hate her," Ally noticing what a good lawyer Georgia is
- "Whenever I make a fool of myself I feel better if I can blame it on the research," Ally on the dating book
- "To call is to pursue & to pursue makes you look too interested," Ally after reading a dating guide
- "The Idea that when people come together they stay together, I have to take that with me when I go to bed at night even when I go alone," a McBealism
- "Being a woman, I know how women react to things even when they don't mean a thing," Ally
- "You could catch him if you took the windy," Ally's snappish reply to Elaine after listening in on her and Ronald
- "Even people we call your honor don't have honor anymore," Ally about Whipper
- "Sometimes there's no point in the truth if the only thing it'll do is cause pain," Ally
- "I saw a piece of cute meat & I said to myself go ahead be a man," Ally explaining Ronald to Renee
- "Sometimes I feel as if I'm being unfaithful to love it self," Ally
- "I cannot believe the things coming out of you mouth, but then again considering where it's been I guess I shouldn't be shocked," Ally to Billy about the hooker at his bachelor party
- "I'm going to criminal court, I'm afraid of criminals, maybe that'll change now that I work for one," Ally about John
- "When I get depressed I raise my hem lines," Ally
- "Ally Donnell - McBeal," Ally upon meeting Bobby
- "If I weren't seperated by bars I wouldn't be caught dead with you, or maybe I would," Ally to the client.
- "I like the law but prefer soft-core," Ally on criminal law
- "Lizzy Borden took an axe gave her mother forty whacks. Born again in fifty-one, killed her husband just for fun," Ally's reaction to her client that has been accused of murder
- "Is there any chance it's not hers," -Ally on Georgia's pregnancy
- "I live my life as one big Christmas Eve & it just makes me hapy, happy, happy!" -Ally to a concerned Billy
- "One, Two, buckle my shoe," -Ally on how many times she slept with Glenn
- "If I closed my eyes I could almost see you as a hero, too bad my eyes are open," -Ally to Bobby
- "There's more to life than being a lawyer & I don't mean golf," -Ally on the firm's philosophy
- "You can lead a man by the penis but it's the wrong way to tame him," -Ally to Renee on bringing a guy to the apartment that she barely knows.
- "He's even more dead than I thought, that's the most dead person I've ever seen -Ally on seeing a murder victim
- "The National Organization Of Women has a contract out on my head." - Ally on being a career women but needing a man