Ally Mcbeal Character Quotes: Ling Woo

Here are some of the memorable quotes used in the show
  1. Ling: "Nice is in Richard, in case you haven‘t noticed, I’m not nice."

  2. Ling: "It use to be a woman stripped naked to have a chance at greatness, now you have to do great things to have a chance to strip naked."

  3. Ally: "Did you strip for a semi nude layout?"
    Ling: "My character wasn‘t growing enough."

  4. Ling: "Oh god they‘ve got a new singer here I can‘t keep up."
    Nelle: "You don‘t know who that is?"
    Ling: "Why Should I?"
    Nelle: "That‘s Elton John."
    Ling: "What is he doing here?"
    Nelle: "He‘s ah getting ready to tour or something, he’s trying out new material."
    Ling: "Well can we get him to turn it down?"

  5. Judge Ling: "Mr. Pax I have a problem, see these lights, this is a television show, in addition to a court. Our cases need to be interesting otherwise people won‘t watch. Here I have a boring little man with a boring little case about defective wax. What kind of Nielsen share do you figure I‘ll pull with that?"
    Mr. Pax: "Their product let my automobile dull."
    Judge Ling: "If the car fits, drive it."

  6. Judge Ling: "Mame I can tell people you‘re ugly but unless they see for themselves how would they know I‘m telling the truth?"

  7. Richard: "Legally as a Judge she (Ling) can no longer work here."
    All the lawyers: "Awwwwww!"
    Ling: "I heard that, I know sarcasm when I hear it. I‘m expecting a party by the way something big, maybe a dinner. I‘ll need to approve the menu"

  8. Plaintiff: "Good morning your Honor, how are you today?"
    Judge Ling: "Judgment for the defendant."

  9. Ally: "Are you really getting your own TV show?"
    Ling: "Why shouldn‘t I?"

  10. Ling: "Oh boy I want you to sing at my party."
    Glenn: "Excuse me?"
    Ling: "Somebody from the firm should sing and I don’t want it to be Elaine she’s a secretary, besides her you the only one that can hit a note. A ballad or something that captures me."

  11. Ling: "I can be generous when it doesn‘t cost me anything."

  12. Ling: "I thought you said you rent out the bar."
    Richard: "I did."
    Ling: "Well who are all these people?"
    Richard: "I rent them too, I want you to feel popular, enjoy it."

  13. Ling after a blind man‘s cane touched her: "Ow, they‘re not weapons... uhhh... I still prefer the deaf to the blind."

  14. Ling (gagging): "Aren‘t those the 2 most beautiful babies ever, you know I see a lot of babies and it‘s really no big deal but those... they just take my breathe away. Makes you just want to quit the law to bread"
    Nelle (gagging): "Ling Woo birth mother."

  15. Ling: "I hope we‘re not too late."
    Nelle: "I would kill us to miss a single second."

  16. Elaine: "Ling you‘ve been summoned by the Chief Justice of the Superior Court."
    Ling: "If it‘s for jury duty tell them I‘m dead."
    Elaine: "He said 10 O'clock dead or alive your choice."
    John: "Want to put it to a vote?"

  17. Ling to the Chief Justice of the Superior Court: "How old are you?"

  18. Ling on becoming a Judge: "Do I have to know the law?"

  19. Ling on being a Judge: "We live in a litigious society Nelle, everybody running off to court it‘s stupid. It‘s up to the Judge to make them feel stupid. I can do that."

  20. Ally: "This is Jenny Shaw."
    Ling: "I don‘t like her."

  21. Ling (smiling): "They (Ally & Larry) broke up how awful."

  22. Ling (smiling): "Is she devastated? Is she crushed? Is there anything we can do?"
    John (sarcastically): "Just knowing you there Ling."

  23. Ling: "I don‘t want this firm representing that woman."
    Richard: "Why not?"
    Ling: "I don‘t know why not yet I just know there‘s a reason."

  24. Ally: "Doesn‘t that make you jealous (Jackson & Elaine‘s duet)?"
    Ling: "With her, please."
    Renee: "What about me? We both slept with the guy, if I can deal so can you."
    Ling: "You two slept together?"
    Renee: "We dosed off one night watching the news."

  25. Ling: "Ally I think I'm have you mental problem."
    Ally: "Which one I have many?"

  26. Ally: "I think you’re in love."
    Ling: "What! How do I snap out of it?"

  27. Ling: "A woman hasn‘t got true control of a man until her hand is on the dumb stick."

  28. Ling: "Do my knee."
    Richard: "Ling."
    Ling: "Just do it."
    Richard: "Well...No. No. I won‘t be used."
    Ling: "We can’t deny are passions any longer can we? You want me and I want you. So let’s just be honest. You do my knee and I‘ll give you hair."
    Richard: "You‘re pinching my spinal cord."

  29. Ling: "Nelle I was thinking this online dating thing, it sounds kind of cool. I could meet a man in Paris right?"
    Nelle: "Yes you can get as far away from this office as you like Ling. I‘m not getting you hooked up online."
    Ling: "Why not"
    Nelle: "You‘re involved."
    Ling: "I am not."

  30. Jackson: "Last week I told you that I was in love with you."
    Ling: "Yippee, anybody can share a stupid feeling there’s an unlimited supply. You only get 5 lunches a week. And don‘t stare at me like I‘m crazy, you the one turning all this down."

  31. Ling: "Look Nelle it‘s a midget. (evil stare from Ally) What?"
    Ally: "My grandfather once told me that you could measure the dignity of a person by how he is able to see the dignity in others."
    Ling: "I don‘t get it."
    Ally: "Hmmm."
    Ling: "Was it a riddle?"

  32. Nelle: "You no Ling I'm having an online relationship."
    Ling: "You are?"
    Nelle: "Yeah, I have no idea what he looks like."
    Ling: "Nelle are you crazy. You know looks are everything, I don‘t need to tell you that."

  33. Nelle: "What happened that night you went to bed with him (Jackson)"
    Ling: "I lost control. I mean he‘s beautiful and charming and I... I lost control."
    Nelle: "Well if he’s interest no why not?"
    Ling: "Because."
    Nelle: "Ling there are lots of reason for running from a man. Fear of losing control isn‘t one of the better ones"
    Ling: "Thank you dear blonde Abby whose ideal man is online."

  34. Ling: "Richard do you think about picking up where we left off?"
    Richard: "We didn‘t leave off anywhere."
    Ling: "That would hurt my feelings if I had any."

  35. Ling: "Can you imagine going through life happy?"
    Nelle: "And kind."
    Ling: "I think it‘s starting to rub off on me. I had a dream last night I hit a guy in a wheel chair and pulled over to help."
    Nelle: "Ugh."

  36. Ally: "What do you mean you’re going to Los Angeles"
    Richard: "Just a two day R&R"
    Nelle: "Los Angeles?"
    Richard: "We‘re looking to broaden ourselves culturally a little. I‘m I right John"
    John: "In deed."
    Richard: "Ally, while we’re gone your senior partner pro-tem"
    Mark, Ling, Nelle & Ally: "What?"
    Richard: "Seniority."

  37. Elaine: "Jackson & Renee have a duet coming up."
    Ling: "What?"
    Elaine: "You know what they say, when two people are singing together they’re doing it."
    Ling: It’s their second date already." Elaine: "Come on, Renee’s a bigger tramp then me... then I use to be."

  38. Richard: "Hey Ling, working late?"
    Ling: "Catalogues, I can’t keep up."
    Richard: "Bugger."

  39. Judge Brattle: "Could I step out of my robe for a moment"
    Ling: "I‘d vomit"

  40. Ling: "I looks like Renee finally found somebody, that‘s ‘great‘."

  41. Ling: "You‘re not going to get all weird again now that Larry‘s gone are you?" Ally: "Ling, I never stopped being weird."

  42. Ling to Jackson: "What‘s with the alias? Are you wanted?... Certainly not by me."

  43. Ling: "Did you come to work here because of me?" Jackson: "I don’t remember."

  44. Ling: "Do you think she could be falling for him, he is a Salsa dancer?"
    Richard: "She fell for a murderer"
    Ling: "But at least he was a doctor"

  45. Richard: "Okay, first up, where's John?"
    Mark: "He's sitting in on Melanie's class again..."
    Ling: "He's in love with her. He follows her around like a puppy dog. It's gross."

  46. Ally: "You want me to argue that it's okay to evaluate somebody based on looks."
    Ling: "What else is there?"
    Ally: "Ling, why don't you go somewhere and pluck an eyebrow or at least pencil one in?"
    Ling: "Back when you were attractive you didn't mind being judged on beauty alone. It's amazing how principle pops up with wrinkles."
    Ally: "I've never challenged a girl to a fight before..."
    Ling: "But since a black eye could now be at..."
    Ally: "Let's go."

  47. John: "Did you see that homeless man?"
    Ling: "Gee, no, and my eyes are always peeled for them."

  48. Ling upon hearing Melanie's squealing: "oh, is that squealing thing always going to be here now?"

  49. Sam: "Your hands are very cold."
    Ling: "But getting hotter."
    Sam: "It would be my pleasure to be your partner."
    Nelle: "Maybe one lesson."

  50. Richard: "Unbelievable, he's really not dead."
    Ling: "Are you sure?"

  51. Ling: "This isn't fair. She's getting Chubby-- what do I get?"
    Richard: "You'll get your Chubby later."
    Ling: "I want that one."

  52. Ling: "I think tourette's is so cool. It'd be so great to just annoy people like that. You whoop and twitch-- any other good ones?"
    Melanie: "Sex."
    Ling: "( Chokes ) did you say sex?"
    Melanie: "There's hyperactivity involved that can be released through tics and also through sex. I'm planning on relieving myself later."

  53. Lisa: "How did you two end, Exactly? Neither one of you has ever really told me."
    Ling: "Sweetie, I dumped him."
    Lisa: "And did it break his heart?"
    Ling: "Well... I do that sort of thing."

  54. Ling: "Randy, there's nothing I enjoy more than seeing a happy couple and coming between them but Lisa's a friend of mine."

  55. Ling to Melanie after she screeched uncontrollably: "Do you mind? Some of us have eardrums."

  56. Ling: "The problem of being with Richard... When you comparison shop, you see nothing but bargains."

  57. Richard: "Nothing happened?"
    Ling: Is there something wrong with your little thingy?"
    Mark: "No. We both just seemed nervous."
    Richard: "About what?"
    Mark: "Well, truth be told, all this talk of her... Experience."
    Richard: "Oh, say no more. You're worried about how you'll stack up against the 1, 000 or so men she's been with."
    Mark: "Richard..."
    Richard: "You need a sex song."
    Mark: "A sex song?"
    Richard: "Yeah, john uses Barry White, I use Tom Jones. Does it help me, Lingo?"
    Ling: "Amazing."

  58. Ling: "Richard I'm tired of everyone performing at Christmas parties with no attention coming to us."
  59. Richard: "Ah... Coffee bean we have no talent"
  60. Ling: "So what. Richard when you see performers sing on TV their lip syncing. We could do that."

  61. Ling: "It's not natural that you haven't slept with him yet."
    Ally: "Why?"
    Ling: "Well, you've been together over a month."
    Elaine: "Well, not every couple just jumps right into bed, Ling."
    Ling: "Oh, that's right, Elaine-- you wait and count to three first."

  62. Nelle: "Well, I don't think a relationship has to be about sex but I would be asking myself, "if he doesn't want it..."
    Ling: "He wants it. Just not from you."

  63. Richard: "Ling you're fired."
    Ling: "What?"
    Richard: "This is real. This man has a legitimate case and I need a real lawyer preferably outside counsel. Mark, hire Larry Paul. Do it now."

  64. Ling: "Hey, bitch. What's up?"
    Nelle: "You seem happy."
    Ling: "Richard fired me off the peanut case. Want to go shopping?"
    Nelle: "Might as well."

  65. Ling: "Maybe somebody rich and handsome will bid on you. Can you imagine how much money I'd bring in?"
    Nelle: "No, ling. How much? ( Sighs ) tell you what-- since it's such a great cause why don't you volunteer, too? I'll bet whatever's bid on you that it won't be higher than what's bid on me."
    Ling: "Nelle..."
    Nelle: Come on, Ling, Ms. "Every-man-wants-me."

  66. Richard: "Ling, what's going on?"
    Ling: "That bitch Nelle thinks she can raise more money than me."
    Richard: "Ah."
    Ling: "You think she can?"
    Richard: "Boy, that's a tough one. Of the women I've paid for the blondes have been more expensive but they don't have your warmth."

  67. Ling: "You did what?"
    Nelle: "And I wanted to do more. Ling, can you believe it?"
    Ling: "No."
    Nelle: "It's not like me to ever feel... 'Hot.' I mean, I... I might even enjoy... You know...Sex?" Well, I don't understand it. I don't even know him."
    Ling: "He's rich, he's a doctor, what else is there to know?"

  68. Richard: "Paul, the man who bought me you know, it's his choice where we go on the date. He insists it be the bar."
    Nelle: "Well, that's nice, Richard, we'll all be there to rescue you."
    Richard: "But I'll be seen with a man."
    Nelle: "I'm going to the bar with my date."
    Ling: "If not to a hotel room."
    Richard: "Hello? I need some help. Paul says he has a feeling about me. He thinks I'm special."
    Ling: "Are you falling in love?"
    Richard: "Forget it."

  69. Ling: "Jacob, you seem intelligent. I want you to tell us what you really think of the idea of Santa Claus?"
    Jacob: "It's stupid"

  70. "What women are attracted to is what they don't have. I have you honey"- Ling to Richard

  71. "Why are you sucking up to me?"- Ling getting to the point

  72. Ally "When you & I kissed it was..."
    Ling: "Amazing."

  73. "Oh sure now you protest when you have to kiss her"- Ling to John on kissing Ally

  74. Nelle: "Who's that?"
    Ling: "I'd don't know some guy who's here to drool all over me" Nelle: "Ling do you thing every man wants you?" Ling: "Yes!"

  75. "Your mother's old and wrinkle, Michael's at least half cute; I mean for a relic"- Ling on Ally dating an older man

  76. "I take a little adhesive, I tape hundred dollar bills to my privates, where them all day long. Nighttime I get into bed; I'm beautiful, naked, smell like money"- Ling on how she keeps Richard

  77. "Are you sure he didn't leave you just for being unattractive"-Ling to Wanda

  78. "I'm penile psychic. Something's up, and I'm not talking about hers."- Ling on Mark & Cindy

  79. Richard: "Uh, Ling, snapple, I am not comfortable with you being part of a manhunt."
    Ling: "Don't worry, richard. I won't be looking for anyone like you."

  80. Ling "Do you know an eligible man? And if so, why aren't you throwing yourself at him as we speak?"
    Ally: "Although, he's not my... Type...Mark... Albert is eligible and seemingly normal. Let me pick his brain."
    Ling: "Oh, please."

  81. Ling: "How could you be a man? Y-you look so beautiful."
    Richard: "A-and, uh, feminine."
    Cindy "I've been on estrogen a long time. This is my real hair. My breasts are real, too."
    Richard "They are?"
    Cindy: "Yes."
    Richard: "Can I touch them? They're evidence."
    I can spot a he/she a mile away. There is no way."
    Cindy: "The shots and the pills have softened my voice. I don't grow facial hair. My skin is soft. I'm a woman in almost every way except the o-one that would be discovered if I had to take that physical."
    Richard: Oh, so you have A... Wow. Whoa...
    Cindy: Is this the sensitivity you spoke of?
    Richard: "Oh, no, no. I'm sorry. It's just not every day you meet, uh, such a beautiful, uh, woman."
    Ling: "Uh, with her very own Dumbstick."
    Cindy "Forget it."
    Richard: "No-no-no-no. C-Cindy, Cindy. No-no-no-no. You know, you've told us-- the worst part is over. You might as well let us help you."
    Cindy: "Can you?"

  82. Ally: "You think that I am a desperate person don't you?"
    Ling: "Ally, you're all desperate. Five gorgeous women, Halloween night, parties all over town, you're dateless. That's pathetic. You're lonely, desperate women. Why can't you just admit it?
    Renee: "You're here. What are you?
    Ling: "I have my Richard."

  83. "Ally can only love someone who makes her miserable."- Ling

  84. Nelle: "It's because they're controlled by-- what do you call it?"
    Ling: "Dumbstick."

  85. "He is so boring."- Ling on Brian

  86. "I know I’m better than everybody else Richard but sometimes it’s nice to hear it"- Ling on wanting to get back together with Richard

  87. "I’m rich I only work to wear my outfits"- Ling to Nelle on why she would go & work for a firm with real lawyers

  88. "This is fabulous somebody could get hurt"- Ling on Renee & Elaine’s catfight

  89. "I think his bulb is a little dim"- Ling on Mark Albert

  90. "Does this mean I have to take the stairs?"- Ling on John being stuck in the elevator

  91. "I hope he's not going to milk this."- Ling on Billy’s brain tumor

  92. "Oh that’s sweet, but I’m busy this lifetime, maybe the next one."- Ling brushing off the dancing twins

  93. It's not like any of them saw me"- Ling after Richard got mad at her for pretending to be blind

  94. "Ally, there’s always a girlfriend, the best men are always taken. If you don’t steal them, you don’t get them."- Ling advising Ally to go after what she wants

  95. "Girls are so stupid, especially high school girls. They want whatever other girls have, whether it’s clothes, shoes....they don’t choose on the basis of their own taste so much as they like what their friends like"- Ling testifying as to way her under aged escort service is a good thing

  96. "Is he in a union? They’d never be able to fire him if he was in a union, even if he was touching the children"- Ling trying to find a loop hole for a fired client

  97. "Please, Billy’s not even capable of a crisis, he has the personality of a nail minus the sharp end"- Ling discussing Billy’s makeover with Nelle

  98. "Nobody asks a woman if they like viagra. Why do you think Elizabeth Dole is running for president, anything to get out of the house?"- Ling discussing her sex life with Nelle

  99. "I’m very satisfied, it’s just that your not always there at the time"- Ling to Richard about her reaching orgasm

  100. "It's late Richard's probably waiting to do my knee"- Ling letting Ally down easy

  101. "If I become a lesbian it will be your loss"- Ling to Richard

  102. "Ally, Hi, listen I'm having a small dinner party next week. I wasn't planning to invite you but if your feelings are going to be hurt I suppose I could invite you" -Ling

  103. "Those dresses are hideous"- Ling referring to the bride's maid dress Ally was wearing

  104. This is an office place, people shouldn't be happy"- Ling

  105. "I think it's a victory for common decentsey really there's no substitute in life for respect & kindness and this big dope thought he was excempt because he rounded up enough idiots to vote for him" - Ling on a smarmy politician

  106. "I knew this would happen if I took a job here, you'd all make me work" -Ling

  107. "I know I haven't been here long but I'm begining to think she's a little more wierd than the strange little man" -Ling on Ally