Ally Mcbeal Character Quotes: Melanie West

Here are some of the memorable quotes used in the show
  1. Melanie: "I dont wanna have children"
  2. John: "Funny."
  3. Melanie: "I dont."

  4. Melanie: "John whats wrong?"
    John: "Richard, well hes my partner and my best friend and I hate him."

  5. Richard: "Men dont walk around saying I love you to other men, thats a gay thing."
    John "A gay thing?"
    Melanie: "You father never said he loved you?"
    Richard: "He didnt have to hed say uh Mambo Cat"

  6. Nelle: "Excuse me but Ive known John I little longer than you." Melanie: "Yes, he tried to spank you once. I know your history."
    Nelle: "Maybe he could spank, that way wed know if you could take a licking and keep on ticking."

  7. John: "You know me when I was little I used to pretend Nancy Sinatra was singing this song to me."
    Melanie: "When I was little, I used to pretend frank was singing it to me."

  8. Melanie: "I-I've, whoo! Never brought anyone back to my apartment."
    John: "Well, I'm honored, then. I certainly hope my underwear is clean."

  9. Melanie: "Oh, you don't smell good. Last shower?"
    Mr. Bo: "Christmas."
    Melanie: "Oh."

  10. Melanie: "He's completely harmless, John."
    John: "So are post office employees right up until they eat fast food."

  11. John: "Well, I have a nose for trouble."
    Melanie: "Yes, and I'm sure it whistles with alarm but, John, I know this... Oh... I'm sorry."
    John: "You disparaged my nose."

  12. Melanie: "Uh, well, maybe we should all go grab something to eat."
    Mr. Bo: "No, the toad and I already ate."
    Melanie: "Could you do me a favor and not call him 'the toad?'"
    Mr. Bo: "Oh, but it so fits."
    John: "You're such a kookball."
    Mr. Bo: "At least "toad" is a real word."
    Melanie: "All right, okay, no 'kookball', no 'toad'. You got it?"

  13. Ling: "I think tourette's is so cool. It'd be so great to just annoy people like that. You whoop and twitch-- any other good ones?"
    Melanie: "Sex."
    Ling: "( Chokes ) did you say sex?"
    Melanie: "There's hyperactivity involved that can be released through tics and also through sex. I'm planning on relieving myself later."

  14. Melanie: "If any of the children consider me to be a monster that can only come from a narrow-mindedness which is a much more dangerous and fundamental disability. It is precisely for the benefit of those children that I should be kept on."

  15. Melanie: "People have looked at me my entire life like I'm insane. Do you have any idea what that's like?"
    John: "Perhaps not, but, uh their thinking that at the moment could come in quite handy."
    Melanie "I'd rather be thought of as a cold-blooded murderer than crazy. And if that makes me insane I still don't want to plead it."

  16. Melanie: "I beg your pardon? Midget."
    Nicholas: "That's what she did to me."
    John: "Nicholas... These utterances are involuntary. That's what tourette's is."
    Melanie: "Pip-squeak."

  17. John: "You want to tell me why you're smiling?
    Melanie: "You're quite funny."

  18. John: "She's a bit of an odd duck."
    Melanie: "You like odd ducks, don't you?"
    John: "Well..."
    Melanie: "Can we appeal?"
    John: "Melanie, we won."
    Melanie: "Yeah, I know. I thought that maybe if we appeal I could have some more meetings with my lawyer."
    John: "Well, there...Oh, oh, that's an overture."
    Melanie: "Yes, it was. John, I know I come with a few quirks but I have this feeling which something tells me that you share. What if we agree up front that I'll never drive?"
    John: "The thing is, I would love to go out with you. Um... Let's go. I know this quiet little bar we can go..."

  19. Melanie: "Was I too pushy... To ask you out?"
    John: "I only date pushy women."
    Melanie: "Oh, why's that?"
    John: "Well, I..."
    Melanie: "Because you're too chicken to make the move yourself?"
    John: "Uh... Yes. Exactly. You know me already."
    Melanie: "Oh, I knew you the minute you walked in the door. You had me on, 'I'm Jonathan cage.' 'No, actually, it's John. Sometimes when I'm nervous I...'"
    John: "All right, listen... Dancing is a quiet thing. If you're going to speak, let it be involuntary."