|Here are some of the memorable quotes used in the show|
- Ally: "Thanks everybody for coming, sorry about the short notice but it‘s important."
Nelle: "You‘re changing hair colors?"
Ally: "It’s not that important but I am resigning."
- Nelle: "Look Elaine I‘m jealous of you... the way you have dance something to believe in. I have no passion in my life."
- Ally: "Liza will be working out of John‘s office."
Nelle: "Why does she get his office?"
Ally: "John loaned it to her."
Nelle: "Uhhh, john loaned it to her. What else did John extend to her?"
Ally: "I don‘t think that‘s appropriate Nelle."
Nelle: "Did he give her his hole as well?"
- Claire: "Hi Nelle, Christmas has come early this year... this is Wilson."
Nelle: "Yes, we‘ve met. Hi"
Wilson: "Hello, is it Morgan."
Nelle: "It‘s Nelle"
Wilson: "Am I in the girl’s room?"
Claire: "It‘s unisex, here a Cage, Fish & McBeal we... we don‘t distinguish between the sexes."
- Nelle: "Have you considered the merits Wilson?"
Wilson: "Nelle look at me, do I strike you as a person who concerns himself with merits?"
- Nelle: "I‘m not comfortable with that."
Wilson: "Nelle, I‘m only asking that you pretend to be nice."
- Richard: "What‘s up with that guy (Wilson), is he any good?"
Nelle: "I have no idea but I‘ll certainly let you know."
- Nelle: "Claire?"
Claire: "Oh Nelle, hello."
Nelle: "What are you doing?"
Claire: "I‘m going to the little girl‘s room."
Nelle: "Any reason you couldn‘t use the door?"
Wilson: "I think she was looking for me."
- Wilson: "I must say so many women lawyers today have that discussing heart of gold beneath that slick exterior but you, your so refreshing."
Nelle: "I appreciate that."
Wilson: "Until we scheme again."
- Nelle: "Hey you, hold on a second."
Liza: "Oh, hi is it Nil."
- Nelle: "John we have to get that little bitch (Liza)"
John: "Have no fear Nelle, she is a bagel."
Nelle: "A bagel?"
John: "I meant to say toast. Have no fear."
- Nelle: "There‘s nothing wrong with being an elitist Ally, in fact I think more people should be."
- Nelle: "Ally with Victor you‘d be dating down."
- Richard: "Can you believe it my first love."
Corretta: "Look at the positive Richard you‘ve been where no man will ever go again."
Nelle: "It‘s payback for all your homophobia."
Richard: "I don‘t find that supportive Nelle."
- Nelle: "So what will the firm be called ‘Fish‘?"
- Nelle: "Fish & McBeal"
Elaine: "That‘s the rumor you never heard it from me. Aren‘t you just devasted?"
Nelle: "He‘s making her partner."
- Nelle: "Why am I not being made partner?"
Richard: "Nelle partners split up the pie, you know that. If I it three ways I get less you can‘t possibly find that acceptable, I know I don‘t."
- Ally: "That jealous, catty bitch."
Nelle: "Did somebody call me?"
- Nelle: "Let’s just get something straight. Your promotion is more a reflection of Richard’s anemic leadership than it is your legal talent which to this day remains elusive."
- Ally: "You know I have no time for these power games so if you could just go back to your office and fill out your time sheets and have them on my desk by five."
Nelle: "Oh this isn‘t going to work at all."
Ally: "Well it‘s all up to you my little associate, oh and honey, remember when you do your hair now, to check the top of your head for my foot prints."
- Nelle to Elaine: "Are you for real?"
- Ally: "Why is the spot light on me?"
Nelle: "Oh I‘m sure there‘s a good reason."
Bonnie (singing): "How will you make it on your own..."
Ally: "Oh God."
- Nelle: "A you a beginning, middle or ending kind of a guy?"
Nelle: "That up there, that‘s just the beginning."
- Richard: "She wants this to be a labor of love."
Nelle: "Oh make me vomit my intestines."
Coretta: "(coughing) Witch."
- Nelle: "Ling all you life you‘ve committed to the ideal a woman is what she wears, what are you today?"
Ling: "A role model, if I can inspire a few girls to go to law school or have a perfect body then I‘ve done my job."
- Ling: "Oh god they‘ve got a new singer here I can‘t keep up."
Nelle: "You don‘t know who that is?"
Ling: "Why Should I?"
Nelle: "That‘s Elton John."
Ling: "What is he doing here?"
Nelle: "He‘s ah getting ready to tour or something, he’s trying out new material."
Ling: "Well can we get him to turn it down?"
- Corretta: "Hi Nelle."
Elaine: "How‘s it going?"
Nelle: "What‘s the catch?"
Elaine: "Nothing, Corretta and I are having a little girl’s night out tonight and we thought you might want to join. Maybe Ling too."
Corretta: "Is that a no?"
Nelle: "You want to meet men and they’re drawn to beautiful women. You want to use me for bait. Ling too. What time?"
Elaine: "8 O‘clock the bar."
- Nelle: "What‘s wrong?"
Nelle: "Oh come on Glenn men like you don’t suddenly become pensive, is it the whitener in your toothpaste?"
Glenn: "That’s what’s wrong, women. They just see me as this GQ model pretty boy. That‘s my problem Nelle."
Nelle: "I see and what you’re really about as world peace."
- Nelle: "Look Glenn you seem like a nice fellow but here‘s a tip. Women lose interest in Ken dolls around the time they toss their Barbies. You need to mess yourself up a little, sprout a pimple, anything to reveal a hint of character. Ally goes for damaged goods, she‘s damaged goods."
- Nelle to Glenn: "In the mean time stay out of my office. Your Calvin Klein cologne kills my plants."
- Nelle: "One of us has to move, one would think it would be the gentleman."
Raymond: "I‘m standing nose to nose with a drop dead gorgeous woman who smells good, a gentleman would be a fool to move."
- Nelle: "Glenn, ah listen, could you sing at the bar tonight for Ling?"
Glenn: "I don‘t even know her."
Nelle: "I understand, problem is others do."
- Nelle: "John what happen to your little tush?"
John: "It‘s depressed."
- Nelle on the changes: "They bring in these young lawyers, the place is more like a frat house than a law firm."
- Ling (gagging): "Aren‘t those the 2 most beautiful babies ever, you know I see a lot of babies and it‘s really no big deal but those... they just take my breathe away. Makes you just want to quit the law to bread"
Nelle (gagging): "Ling Woo birth mother."
- Ling: "I hope we‘re not too late."
Nelle: "I would kill us to miss a single second."
- Nelle on Sydney: "I don‘t know who she is but I don‘t like her."
- Jackson: "Reverend my specialty is smooth."
Nelle: "Oh please! Sorry."
- Nelle to Jackson: "Well it seems the smooth approach fell short."
- Lisa: "Is this legal, you to talk to me alone without counsel?"
Nelle: "Lisa, Mrs. Parks isn‘t a lawyer she‘s a buster."
Lisa: "She‘s still my representation."
- Mrs. Parks: "You talked to her ex-party. You can talk to a person ex-party."
Nelle: "The word is ex-parti, it’s Latin. Party is something you do with a balloon."
Mrs. Parks: "Oh, that‘s a fat dumb joke combine."
- Jackson: "So is Lisa going to stop singing or?"
Nelle: "Says she‘ll try. If not you could always go back to the smooth approach."
- Richard: "Where‘s Ally?"
Mark: "Elaine said she called in older."
Richard: "Excuse me?"
Mark: "It‘s her birthday, she’s depressed, she called in older."
Richard: "Does that mean she‘s not coming in?"
Nelle: "I thought we were having a party for her. Well how can we not celebrate she‘s a member of our family here."
Richard: "You know you’re entirely too happy Nelle. I want to meet this computer date."
- Ling: "Nelle I was thinking this online dating thing, it sounds kind of cool. I could meet a man in Paris right?"
Nelle: "Yes you can get as far away from this office as you like Ling. I‘m not getting you hooked up online."
Ling: "Why not"
Nelle: "You‘re involved."
Ling: "I am not."
- Elaine: "John, Cassandra Lewis is here for you."
Nelle: "Who‘s Cassandra Lewis?"
Richard: "John‘s L.A. wattle."
- Nelle: "You no Ling I'm having an online relationship."
Ling: "You are?"
Nelle: "Yeah, I have no idea what he looks like."
Ling: "Nelle are you crazy. You know looks are everything, I don‘t need to tell you that."
- Nelle: "What happened that night you went to bed with him (Jackson)"
Ling: "I lost control. I mean he‘s beautiful and charming and I... I lost control."
Nelle: "Well if he’s interest no why not?"
Nelle: "Ling there are lots of reason for running from a man. Fear of losing control isn‘t one of the better ones"
Ling: "Thank you dear blonde Abby whose ideal man is online."
- Richard: "First up welcome back John & me, L.A. was great, we missed you all."
Nelle: "Yes how was L....A....? Did you find what you were looking for?"
John: "Yes, people with warmth, it was a culture shock you snippy assed Popsicle."
- John: "Nelle, I just wanted to say I‘m sorry for my hostility. I think truth be told I‘m just missing Melanie."
Nelle: "I understand John and if I can help in anyway... Poop."
- Ling: "Can you imagine going through life happy?"
Nelle: "And kind."
Ling: "I think it‘s starting to rub off on me. I had a dream last night I hit a guy in a wheel chair and pulled over to help."
- Ally: "What do you mean you’re going to Los Angeles"
Richard: "Just a two day R&R"
Nelle: "Los Angeles?"
Richard: "We‘re looking to broaden ourselves culturally a little. I‘m I right John"
John: "In deed."
Richard: "Ally, while we’re gone your senior partner pro-tem"
Mark, Ling, Nelle & Ally: "What?"
- Nelle: "Is he prepared to stay home, give up his job? Scrap piece of vomit off the little burpy blanket? Aspirate mucus out of its little plugged nose? Wipe it‘s bottom clean from lime green poopy?"
- Nelle: "Excuse me but I’ve known John I little longer than you."
Melanie: "Yes, he tried to spank you once. I know your history."
Nelle: "Maybe he could spank, that way we’d know if you could take a licking and keep on ticking."
- Nelle: "Ghosts are like men unless you are viscous they just keep haunting you"
- Nelle on the unisex: "We all go together here."
- Nelle: "I'm just on his case Ling, doing it. Do-doing his case"
John: "Doing his gluts, that's what she is probably doing. I apologize I didn't realize I was audible"
- Nelle to Ling: "I do not like my eggs with spam. I do not twist with Sam I am."
- Sam: "Your hands are very cold."
Ling: "But getting hotter."
Sam: "It would be my pleasure to be your partner."
Nelle: "Maybe one lesson."
- Nelle: "Bite my head off."
Ally: "Don't tempt me."
- Nelle: "Richard has the depth of an ashtray. He's got nothing to offer but money and sperm and you know it."
- Nelle: "If you really, really want to turn a woman on...Do you?"
Nelle: "Respect her."
Richard: "Where's the fun in that?"
Nelle: "Well, if she thinks you respect her-- if you really, really respect her-- she'll do whatever you want."
Nelle: "Men think it's money, it's flowers it's sweet talk. It's none of those things. It's respect."
- Ally: "You know, life is short, Nelle. It really is."
Nelle: "Thank you."
Ally: "Do you ever feel like you're wasting yours?"
Nelle : "Ally, I'm happy for you but I like my life just fine, thank you."
- Nelle: "If this keeps up you and I are going to have to be friends."
Renee: "It'll never come to that."
Renee: "You don't fool me. If I offered you some of my jelly roll you'd step right up."
Nelle: "How would you know? You've never offered."
- Nelle: "John... my father"
- Mr. Porter: "Pleasure John"
- John: "Mr. Claus?"
- Mr. Porter: "Please call me Kris"
- Nelle on her father: "He's probably closer to his little second graders than he is to me"
- Nelle: "Daddy how about I walk you home?"
- Mr. Porter: "To Welsley?"
- Nelle: No to my place. You haven't really seen my apartment have you"
- Mr. Porter: "You don't have a chimney."
- Nelle: "Thank you, your an incredibale heart"
- John: "Hey, let him see your's now"
- Nelle: "He's really good."
Ally: "Isn't he?"
- Nelle: "Well, I don't think a relationship has to be about sex but I would be asking myself, "if he doesn't want it..."
Ling: "He wants it. Just not from you."
- Ling: "Hey, bitch. What's up?"
Nelle: "You seem happy."
Ling: "Richard fired me off the peanut case. Want to go shopping?"
Nelle: "Might as well."
- Ling: "Maybe somebody rich and handsome will bid on you. Can you imagine how much money I'd bring in?"
Nelle: "No, ling. How much? ( Sighs ) tell you what-- since it's such a great cause why don't you volunteer, too? I'll bet whatever's bid on you that it won't be higher than what's bid on me."
Nelle: Come on, Ling, Ms. "Every-man-wants-me."
- Nelle: "I admit you have this whole dark-haired, exotic thing going but when it comes to a man's true fantasy-- I... Am... It. I'm tall, I'm gorgeous, and I look like I have brains which I, in fact, do have. You... You're short... And you bite."
- Nelle to Dr. Butler: "I'll give you a nice little hug and a quick peck on the lips. You'll get your $6, 000 worth. It was fun. Don't call me."
- Dr. Butler: "I have a few therapist friends that...I really didn't realize..."
Nelle: "Realize what?"
Dr. Butler: "You have an intimacy disorder. I thought it was just hostility but the rigidity of your body, and the tension..."
Nelle: "I do not have an intimacy disorder."
Dr. Butler: "It's okay Nelle. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
Nelle: "I'm not ashamed of-of anything."
Dr. Butler: "You shouldn't be. You're a beautiful woman."
Nelle: "I can be plenty intimate, buster."
- Ling: "You did what?"
Nelle: "And I wanted to do more. Ling, can you believe it?"
Nelle: "It's not like me to ever feel... 'Hot.' I mean, I... I might even enjoy... You know...Sex?" Well, I don't understand it. I don't even know him."
Ling: "He's rich, he's a doctor, what else is there to know?"
- Richard: "Paul, the man who bought me you know, it's his choice where we go on the date. He insists it be the bar."
Nelle: "Well, that's nice, Richard, we'll all be there to rescue you."
Richard: "But I'll be seen with a man."
Nelle: "I'm going to the bar with my date."
Ling: "If not to a hotel room."
Richard: "Hello? I need some help. Paul says he has a feeling about me. He thinks I'm special."
Ling: "Are you falling in love?"
Richard: "Forget it."
- Nelle: "Flirt with the whole bar?"
Richard: ""You don't have to be flirty-flirty. Just smile the way you can, ask them as a favor to you: Could they cheer and respond while john is up there singing?"
Nelle" Huh. And why is john singing anyway?"
Richard: "To impress a girl, remember. These are hard times for him. It's Christmas, it's lonely. He used to have a beautiful woman. It was you, Nelle. I'm just asking for you and Ling to charm a few recruits."
Nelle: "I don't think people are going to cheer because I ask them to."
Nelle, men will do anything for you. Don't you get that?"
Richard: "One look-- they want to whisk you away. You have that effect. It's the hair."
- Nelle: "Oh, please, he's nothing but a dangerous myth. A fat, washed-out alcoholic who fiddles with elves. He's a pedophile, too. Gets kids to sit on his lap while promising toys. I salute our client."
John: "Last year, you said you loved Santa Claus."
Nelle: "He was in last year; now he's out."
- Nelle: "Who's that?"
Ling: "I'd don't know some guy who's here to drool all over me"
Nelle: "Ling do you thing every man wants you?"
- "It's not gay rights, it's a circus act and it's disgusting"- Nelle on Mark dating a woman with a penis
- "Elaine if I showed up say it was hard for me to hold on to a man don't you think she'd be a tad bit suspicious?"- Nelle insulting Elaine
- Nelle: "Don't you feel ridiculous stooping to something like this?"
Elaine: "I'm for it."
Nelle: "What a shock. You probably bought new kneepads."
- Nelle: "It's because they're controlled by-- what do you call it?"
- "I bet you’d really like to spank me now John"- Nelle to John after he found out she’s leaving the firm and stealing clients
- "Tell all your little friends to stay hidden, I’m a bad witch"- Nelle referencing to John as the Mayor of Munchin City
- "You could probably start wearing underwear"- Nelle to Elaine on the raise she would give her
- "You shouldn’t get to talk to me like that, just because you’re senior pip squeak, I mean partner"- Nelle to John after denying her request to become partner
- "Please between my portable, my hair and sexual harassment laws, I’ll be partner in a month"- Nelle on becoming partner at one of the big firms
- "Amounting to nothing makes you hostile"- Nelle to Elaine on why she doesn’t get along with secretaries
- "I embrace beening a total bitch, means more power"- Nelle on why she broke up with John the way she did
- "Ick, nothing worse than getting hit on by one of the little people" Nelle after Ally told her a coffee server hit on her
- "Ah, yes you like to intimidate, ooh, I'm shaking so much I probably look like your vibrator"- Nelle telling off Renee
- "I have a very big case to try, my romantic muscle doesn't really engage when I'm in trial"- Nelle to John, after he asked her out
- "I have a thing about sweat, I don't sweat personally, I never have & I don't like it when others do."- Nelle on her new client