|Here are some of the memorable quotes used in the show|
- Liza: "I’m off to workout."
Raymond: "In a stall?"
Liza: "You’ve never done it in a stall before?"
Raymond: "It‘s a little cramped isn‘t it?"
Liza: "John gave me his hole."
Corretta: "Richard you might want to blot that drool."
Richard: "What‘s the sexiest thing on a woman."
Richard: "No, not you... not me... not any piece of clothing. Sweat."
- Raymond: "Sweet sixteen."
Claire: "When I was that age I had to beat them off with a stick."
- Richard: "What‘s going on?"
Raymond: "All the woman a running to the chiropractor for sexual gratification and Glenn‘s not happy."
- John: "How do you know about my hole?"
Raymond: "Everybody knows, Richard had an open house after he took it over."
- Raymond: "Call me oink but I still think he loves her, I don‘t think either one of us is getting any tonight."
- Raymond: "Ally did you hear?"
Ally: "Awe yes, Elaine broke it to me ever so gently."
Raymond: "So I guess you and I should go out huh, say the word."
- Raymond: "You‘re cute, in a slutty way."
Elaine: "Men on the rebound just love me."
- Glenn: "Do you like her really?"
Raymond: "I do."
Glenn: "Then I‘m okay with it. As long as it isn‘t just for a thrill ride."
Raymond: "It wouldn’t be that I promise. E-ticket? Hit me."
Glenn: "I‘m late for a staff meeting."
Raymond: "What about you and the thin mint?"
Glenn: "She thinks I'm a boy and she‘s not inclined to date someone she doesn‘t see a real future in."
Raymond: "That Bitch."
- Raymond: "If the answer is no would you object to me dating your mother?"
Jenny: "She‘s getting married Raymond."
Raymond: "Oh, then it‘s great one obsticale removed."
- Raymond: "Tell me something, what do you think of me and Jenny?"
Richard: "Hard to tell, could be cause I don‘t care."
- Nelle: "One of us has to move, one would think it would be the gentleman."
Raymond: "I‘m standing nose to nose with a drop dead gorgeous woman who smells good, a gentleman would be a fool to move."
- Raymond: "You know for someone who professes to be open minded, do you even care to hear my side of the story, do you just want to rush to judgment?"
Jenny: "What‘s your side?"
Raymond: "I‘m guilty. Now let‘s get started."
- Jenny: "Raymond if I’m going to be you lawyer I will be your lawyer, I’m not going to be your puppet."
Raymond: "Too bad I was hoping to put my hand up your...."
- Raymond: "Juries go for gangly adorable girls there‘s research."
Jenny: "That kind of flattery just leaves me wet."
- Raymond on Ally: "I don’t really know her but she seems like a real woman."
Glenn: "Isn‘t that good?"
Raymond: "It‘s just that were not real men."
Glenn: "What are we then?"
Raymond: "The guys that girls go out with for 3 months, have the time of their lives until they grow up, meet the man they marry. Ally she‘s already grown up."
- Raymond: "People can become what they are in the eyes of others."
- Raymond: "Tell me something, be honest. You think Ally‘s cute?"
Glenn: "Why did you ask me that?"
Raymond: "Well it‘s just, I could be wrong here..."
Glenn: "You usually are."
Raymond: "But I think she‘s aw... nasty little edible"
- Raymond: "I‘m just going to say this and I could be wrong..."
Glenn: "You usually are."
Raymond: "But I bet behind those little outfits and the Jane Hathaway corporate thing she‘s a little sex machine."
- Jenny: "Don‘t you know those are cancer sticks? You can die from cigars."
Raymond: "Jenny how you doing? You ever see those old wrinkled people on the street, in parks, where ever. You ever stopped to think... maybe if they had smoked they’d never would have become old?"
- Glenn: "Raymond... ready for the big depo?"
Raymond: "Ah, please I studied up more for urine tests, they let anybody sing up there, Ally & I are going to go out."
Ally: "No we‘re not."
- Raymond on Nelle: "I‘ve already moved on to ah... dairy queen here, hey I love fake blondes. Hey I‘m artificial"
- Raymond on the firm: "A lot of talent here Simon, you got your soft serve (Nelle) your thin mint (Ally)."
- Raymond: "What Miss Beal refers to is a pretext is the law in the commonwealth."
Ally: "This is bad faith and it should be sanctioned and it‘s McBeal... Mc...Beal."