You Never Can Tell

Season: 2

Episode: 9

Production Code: AM206

First Air Date: November 23, 1998

Director: Adam Nimoy

Writer: David E. Kelley

# of Times Richard said Bygones: ?

Guest Stars:

Lucy Liu as Ling Woo
Michael Davenport as Dr. Herbert
Lewis Dauber as Jury Foreman
Larry Brandenburg as Judge Raynsford Hopkins
Shawn Michael Howard as Ben
Micheal Dimaggio as Sean
Murray Rubin as Seymore
Neil Giuntoli as Ralph Witton
Bob Glouberman as Wallace
Michael Reilly Burke as Mr. Wells

Synopsis:

The holidays are approaching and not surprisingly our flitty friend is unsatisfied. Her Thanksgiving ritual involves kicking a pillow for everything she doesn't have: someone to love, a full life, or a good old back tickle. The nerve of society!

Invention alert: Elaine models the latest in pregnancy dresses so you can get all the sympathetic perks without having to actually give birth.

Ling may as well just move in, she's back this week, in her wonderfully inappropriate for the office wardrobe to sue her employee, Mr. Witton, for thinking about her sexually. During their initial run through in court, Ally leers seductively at the opposition's attorney, Parker Wells, presumably testing her limits. Ling states the suit is a preemptory measure to assist future victims.

The Biscuit explains to Billy that he's in a quandary over dating Nelle, on one hand he doesn't think they have a future at all on the other hand something short term intrigues him. Billy agrees wholeheartedly. It's apparent quite quickly that John is ill-equipped to deal with a woman of Nelle's caliber, when down at the bar a guy hits on her, and The Biscuit makes a hasty exit.

Things are going just as swell for The Biscuit's female counterpart. Ally accompanies Renee and Ben to the bowling alley to meet her blind date. Wallace Pike is as unappealing to the eye as he is to the funny bone. To make matters all the more unpleasant, Ally can't find a ball to fit her child-size hands, an elderly gentleman named Seymour gallantly comes to the rescue, explaining that his deceased wife would be happy to share with the fellow waif. So when she goes to toss it down the alley, it ends up fitting so tightly that her body starts towards the pins as well. A trip to the ER proves fruitless as Seymour begs her not to have the precious bowling ball cut off her hand.

The bowling ball is of no great advantage in the courtroom the next day when Ally argues that Mr. Witton affected Ling in a manner that made her uncomfortable thereby being a form of harassment. For once one of these lame closings doesn't save the day and Ling loses.

Meanwhile, The Biscuit in a round about way explains himself to Nelle by comparing himself to his dearly beloved Stefan, whom when he tried to roam free ended up in the toilet bowl. Sometime later, heeding Elaine of all people's advice, Cage feels all manly and pulls the ice queen out onto the dance floor.

Stuck with another loser (Wallace Pike) bearing flowers, Ally arranges for the king of boredom to catch her kissing Georgia. Unlike most of the men on this show, Wallace is actually horrified by this. Ally explains the whole scene to a shocked Georgia, adding that she's pretty good. They'd at least be more interesting than either one of them and Billy.

AM-206 ©1998 Almost Human