Bygones

Song Elaine & Renee Sang: "Lady Marmalade"

Song Barry White Sang: "You're the First, the Last, My Everything"

# of Times Richard said Bygones: 3

Guest Stars:
Gil Bellows as Billy Thomas
Courtney Thorne-Smith as Georgia Thomas
Lisa Nicole Carson as Renee Radick
Hayden Panettiere as Maddie
Christina Ricci as Liza "Lolita" Bump
Dame Edna Everage as Claire Otoms
Bobby Cannavale as Wilson Jay
Carl Reiner as Reverend Buck
Jordan Baker as ?
Barry White as himself
Sy Smith as a singer
Vatrena King as a singer
Renee Goldsberry as a singer
Michael Tomlinson as ?

Synopsis:

What a splendid series finale! If you could read my lips right now you’d see the sarcasm dripping.

So we begin with scariness. Little Maddie fainted and fell down the stairs. Apparently she has all this stress from bully type girls that they talk about on Oprah all the time so Ally decides to resign from the firm and take her daughter home to New York. Maddie must not have been stressed when she ran away from New York in the first place.

More big happenings at the firm, the wedding of all the fans dreams. Yes, Richard and Liza finally decided to tie the knot, what with that lengthy romantic courtship we all must applaud this plot devise. How wonderfully kooky was it that the Reverend faints every time he gets emotional so he had to be held up by a harness?

What do you think, for the reunion movie, shouldn’t Nelle marry Wilson?

Later everyone dashed off to a reception at the bar complete with Elaine and an unusually quiet Renee jousting for their time in the spotlight, until Barry White came along resulting in a group shimmy. All of this made Ally very nostalgic. There were some teaser flashbacks of her time with Billy, John, and Larry. Admit it, if you were writing this last script and the only thing your main character ever seemed to really want was a good man and a picket fence, you wouldn’t want to give them to her, cause, you know, that would be really satisfying.

Would it really have been that difficult to prop the snowman up on the sidewalk at the end and let our minds do the math?

John so wanted to tell Ally that he loves her (despite their lack of that kind of chemistry) but he settled for giving her a necklace of remains from the Twin Towers, not sure if that was real life appropriate or not. And, Ally having lost all her sense of whimsy also decided it was time to bid Billy’s ghost ado with one last kiss.

Outside the bar there was a sort of receiving line as Ally went to leave. Tears ran rampant not so much due to the tepid script (like all she has to say to Renee is this’ll force us to make an effort?), it was more the real actors goodbyes that were touching. Ally left us with the parting thought that her happiest moments always come from her saddest. That’s, one supposes, why she’s been so giddy ever since losing both Billy and Larry.

Nelle, Renee, Elaine, John, and Ally finished this thing exactly the way they started it, alone. It’s funny, we were always led to believe that Seinfeld was the show about nothing.