9. "I'd like to introduce my father, Snoop Doggy Dogg, Sr."

8. "I know he's just trying to attract young voters, but Bob Dole looks pathetic in that KISS makeup"

7. "Run for your lives! It's the late Dean Martin!"

6. "How embarrassing -- Jenny McCarthy and Dennis Rodman showed up in the same dress"

5. "Damn! What's a guy gotta do to get a date with Melissa Etheridge?"

4. "Please welcome Coolio, Hootie and the Fugees, performing together as The Hoogeeos"

3. "And the award for Snottiest Little Punks on Television goes...the cast of The Real World"

2. "Check it out -- Beavis and Butthead just left with Dick Morris's hooker!"

1. "Coming up next: Madonna gives birth live on stage!"