2006 The Year That Was

The Highs, The Lows, and The Moments We’d Rather Never Happened

The Phrase That Got Funnier Every Time

"I was shooting blanks like Kevin Buchanan," David, OLTL.

The Next Dakota Fanning

Lucy Merriam, the little actress who plays AMC’s Emma brings such a naturalness to her work that she easily steals scenes left and right from her adult co-stars.

Future Sexiest Man Alive

Enjoy GH’s Jason Thompson’s fiery chemistry with Robin while you can, he’s destined to move up to primetime and movies with all his talent, charisma and dreamy bits.

Couples That Made Us Go Ick!

GL’s Josh and Cassie
GH’s Sonny and Emily
Y&R’s Jack and Sharon
Days’ Steve with anyone other than his sweetness.

Most Idiotic Industry

Salem suddenly became a hot bed of the automotive industry, producing both a pro driver who has to moonlight as a mechanic (isn’t Max a hot Nascar driver, where’s his money?) and rival engine manufacturers made up of people who used to work in fashion. Most soap fans aren’t into racing and those of us who are see more holes than Swiss cheese. Racing’s a good sexy occupation for soap guys but not unless it’s written that way.

Best Neglectful Parents

B&B. Patrick Duffy as Brooke’s dad and Betty White as Stephanie’s mom. Both TV legends played against the type we know them as best and they did so to perfection. And with a seemingly high respect for a soap world not often given it’s due.

Most Repetitive

While B&B’s stunt casting proved riveting, their regular cast is set on hamster wheels, running the same loop over and over. Thorne mourns his wife two minutes before jumping Ridge’s sloppy seconds. Bridget loses baby waits two minutes after mom’s failed marriage before jumping Brooke’s sloppy seconds. Brooke vows to live without a man, falls into bed with Ridge two minutes later. Stop the broken records already.

Most Innovative

Though hit and miss, GL tries something new every Wednesday be it Harley’s superhero adventure, a "Cops" spoof or Dinah’s chick-lit episodes. At least if you’re going to get yanked off the air sometime sooner than later, why not go down swinging, clearly something has to change to hold onto viewers, so why not take chances like this, even if they sometimes fail?

Show That’s Lost It’s Identity

Just look at Thanksgiving, the fact that AMC now annually celebrates at an inn underscores the fact that despite their title this show now revolves around singletons not family. A huge mistake, ask The City how that strategy worked out for them. Problem #2, a show that once discussed Vietnam, abortion, and racial slurs has devolved into a world where that landmark abortion never happened, where a guy goes from TV exec to doctor to cosmetic king in a blink and where everyone forgives Jonathan for murdering their beloved Edmund. What????

The Big Tease, Part One

In one outstanding scene after the next Van Hansis brought ATWT’s Luke out of the closet. But what for? So he could be every girl’s best pal instead of Kevin’s boyfriend? Chemistry completely squandered out of the same fear that kept Luke from coming out.

The Big Tease, Part Two

Laura. Robert and Anna. Noah. One big name after the next return to GH but none are ever invited to stay despite outstanding chemistry with old lovers and great familial tension with their kids. A shame.

Best New Puppy Lover

Y&R finally gave us Victor in a new light thanks to a medical problem and furry friend Zapato. Nothing drops the jaw or tickles the funny bone like the mustache cooing to a dog.

Most Inexplicable Firing

Any given day as OLTL’s sarcastic, tortured, sexy Kevin, Dan Gauthier gave an Emmy worthy performance. Yet the "focus" groups find him unlikable. Little tip, ABC, next time you might want to include actual soap/OLTL viewers in that focus.

Dreamiest Moment

Days. Steve’s kiss saves true love from death. Corny and unrealistic and so classic Patch and Sweetness. Such high hopes for this show in the new year.

New Year’s Wishes

All My Children: Make Zarf’s journey the most heartfelt we’ve seen from this soap in a long while. Please.

As The World Turns: A storyline all her own for any actress over 45.

The Bold & The Beautiful: An actual romance, slow and longing not date two weeks, marry and divorce.

Days Of Our Lives: That Jay Kenneth Johnson returns Phillip to the obsessive romantic we loved not the dull as dirt guy his stand in gave us.

General Hospital: That no one schemes to break up Patrick and Robin, a realistic couples problems should continue to stem from realistic places. No Maxie Jones type for them. Thanks.

Guiding Light: The return of Phillip.

One Life To Live: A new love interest for Antonio to remind us what a great leading man he was with Andie.

Passions: No more rapes. Soaps are a woman’s medium. Let us, especially the teens in the audience, feel empowered.

The Young & The Restless: While it’s commendable to discuss Hurricane Katrina, medical issues and religion, if you can’t write it the way we all talk in real life instead of like a pamphlet in a doctor’s office then don’t do it at all. Explaining every detail feels like you think we’re stupid, not a good thing to say to restless viewers with itchy remote fingers. None of your characters explain why they celebrate Christmas, they just do, trust that you just let Judaism be a natural part of their lives too and we’ll be entertained.

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